Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Boring Life

There is something to be said for the boring life. To some people, this is the worst thing that can happen. For me, it is a blessing. I’ve had enough excitement and trauma to last me a lifetime.

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to get away from my parents. That isn’t to say I wanted or needed to leave the community as it was large enough to get lost in. I just wanted to get away from them. Getting away, as it were, became a whole adventure. Not one I’d care to repeat. Exciting? Try terrifying.

As I grew older, I would think vacations were a nice thing and would enjoy the places I would go and the new things I would see. I have seen many parts of the country and enjoyed them all thoroughly…to a point. Ironically, coming home became the best part of the trip.

Some people are adrenalin junkies. They must have excitement in their lives all the time. They push themselves to the limit. They see adventure and promise in every new twist and turn and when they don’t, they become bored. They feel a life that isn’t full of the “rush” isn’t worth it. They are constantly on the move looking for new sights, new tastes, new adventures. They climb the highest mountains and swim the deepest oceans and still crave more.

For me, it’s the little things.

Watching how my sons’ eyes light up when he talks about his race. How excited I get when I know my kids are coming for dinner. Hearing my kids laugh when they’re all together is better than any concert I could attend…and the warmth I get from them is so genuine it brings tears to my eyes. Seeing them fall in love and getting to know the people they have chosen to share with us… blissful.

My ‘rush’ is catching my husbands’ eye from across a crowded room and realizing he’s been looking at me. Accidentally meeting him on the street where I didn’t expect to see him or having him walk into work to take me to lunch. When he takes me in his arms and holds me close and tells me he loves me… or that I look especially nice today… or that he is so content just being with me.

I find joy in my home… a dream for so long, finally realized. The thrill when I see a beautiful bird at the feeder that I may have never seen before – or am delighted to have return When I see my pups running around the yard being silly, I can laugh out loud. The contented faces on my kitties when they’re sleeping and the purrs that I elicit just by gently touching their fur. I see beauty in each new bloom in the garden and get such a feeling of renewal when they all come back in the spring or I plant something I never have before and it grows bigger and better than I ever thought possible. Or that walk in the woods that leads me to find a surprising new tree or plant that nature has decided to grow in my back yard.

I am a self-described techno-nerd, I admit, but I really have pretty simple needs to make me happy. Give me my family, healthy, happy. Give me a bunch of silly critters. Give me a warm fireplace in the winter and beautiful flowers to enjoy in the summer. Give me a book. Give me a few people who know me and can stand me anyway. Give me a man who really is my ‘better half’. Give me a fast internet. (Okay, so I can do without the last one… )

Give me a boring life. I can make it exciting enough for me.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Guns Don't Kill People - People Kill People

When I was young – and up until just a month or so ago – I was scared of guns. All guns. It didn’t matter if they were long or short, big or little, loaded or empty. I was afraid of them. Irrationally so.

I never personally knew anyone who had been shot, or who had accidentally been killed by having a gun. I heard about shootings on the nightly news, but even in my fairly rural state that wasn’t something that occurred often. Usually we only heard about shootings when it was some hunting-related accident or a suicide, and not even many of those.

Now, that’s not to say my imagination couldn’t be vivid. I did go pheasant hunting a few times with my dad and granddad when I was a kid and the fact that I was the “dog” didn’t slide by me. My dad was in no-way a professional hunter, so it was a little bit risky…

Still, I don’t think that’s where this fear came from.

I never had much exposure to guns until I met my current husband. Not to indicate rural red-neck was stamped on his backside, but yes, he did have a gun rack in his bedroom when I met him. Feel free to laugh. I did. No, he did not have one in his pickup. That scored him a point or two.

I convinced him a lovely glass enclosed locking gun cabinet was a better choice for me and the guns, and they quickly were removed from the sleeping quarters. It didn’t hurt my feelings to know they were locked up, either, although the locks are pretty chintzy and I don’t think they’d keep anyone out who really wanted in – except maybe the kids – which was another one of my motives.

A few weeks after we were together, I was sitting in the living room quietly reading when I heard my now-Hubs going into the bathroom down the hallway from me. I hear him open the window (no screen) and KA-BOOM! I about fell off my chair. He was shooting a ground-squirrel from the bathroom window. (Yes, we are talking rural.) After picking myself up off the floor, I proceeded to give him an earful. First, I told him that wasn’t a fair fight – to let the outside cats take care of that problem. We had no outside cats. We soon had some. No more ground-squirrel problem. Then, I proceeded to tell him how I didn’t appreciate him shooting things at all – especially when I was not aware he was going to do it!

He agreed, and peace ensued.

He was a hunter. Not extreme, as some of his friends who will travel the country shooting anything that moves. He did go pheasant hunting and deer hunting and I have had the trophies (read heads) to prove it. He did it for several more years after we were married and it never really bothered me. We always ate the meat and he didn’t shoot more than he was allotted.

One morning he got up in the wee hours to meet his hunting buddies, left to go have the “early breakfast strategy meeting”, and a couple of hours later – much to my surprise – was home! He’d not been feeling well, and he said he was sitting in that tree stand, cold, miserable, and just asked himself if he really needed to be doing this. He hasn’t been hunting since. It just lost the fun for him.

A few years ago, at my request, he took me out and tried to help me learn to shoot. I was shaking so badly I couldn’t even pull the trigger. We put it away and he never brought it up again. I always felt in the back of my mind that since we did live in such a rural area, that I should know how to shoot. We have rabid animals come around occasionally that need to be shot, and it doesn’t hurt to have it around when the rabid humans come around too.

It never came up again. We moved, we bought a new gun safe, we moved all the guns, and it never came up.

Until a couple of weeks ago. I don’t know why, but I got it in my head that I wanted to try again. Suddenly, the fear was gone. Just like that, it was gone. Hubs took me outside, showed me all about the gun, loaded it, and by golly – I pulled the trigger. Several times. It’s going to take some practice before I can hit anything, but at least now I know if I had to I could load it, aim, and probably scare the living shit out of most anything – except possibly myself.

I’m still for keeping the guns locked up – especially if there are children around. I’m still for registering them. I’m all for keeping the really wicked ones out of the hands of the bad guys. But I do feel it is a right to have them if you want. I do feel it is a right to protect your own property in whatever manner you have available. At the moment, I actually feel pretty good about the gun… and the fact that I’ve learned how to use it makes me feel a whole lot better about it.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Glutton For Punishment

Amy got me into this.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=TornPages

Go to this site and tell me what you think of me... I promise I won't come hunt you down.

It Isn't Even a FULL Moon

Tossing and turning. That was my night. No particular reason that I'm aware of. My subconcious must feel differently, though. I dozed, not awake enough to say 'to hell with it' and get up and go read, but not asleep enough to totally zonk. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, Hubs gets up and heads for the bathroom complaining about the moon shining right in his eyes. It's shining in mine, too, and I'm cursing the fact that I still have nothing better than a sheer at the slider.

Three hours later, I, too, get up to go to the bathroom and realize that the moon is still shining in our bedroom, but from the wrong angle. It appears to be going backwards across the sky. Now, we all know that isn't possible, so my little brain has to think about that one as I stumble through the house to use the far bathroom (so I don't disturb the pups sleeping in the one right next to my bed.) Yeah, I realize how stupid that sounds. One of these days that may change...

In the bedroom, I draw the blinds on the windows - effectively shutting out the moon. Back to bed where I ponder the moon phenomena until I realize that it was shining in the window all the time, but when Hubs saw it, it was being reflected in picture glass. Me, without my glasses, didn't realize it was too far over to be the slider or I would have thought of the glass, too - as it's happened before.

It wasn't even a full moon - only half. But, damn, that thing was bright last night. Tonight, I shut the blinds... and I see a nap in my future.

Monday, February 20, 2006

If You Don't Like Sappy, Leave Now

As previously determined, we have a weird family. Our immediate family - Hubs, me, four kids (yes, they will always be "kids" to me) and by extension, their spouses and/or significant others. We not only love each other, but we like each other. That is a very important distinction.

Few people can say that about their families. It's sad, but true. There is usually one black sheep, or one person who doesn't get along with the rest of the "kids", or everyone hates Dad/Mom. There are feuds over property, feuds over favoritism, or feuds just to have feuds. There is the "Mom always liked you best" line made famous by the Smothers Brothers. (If you don't know who they are, ask your grandparents, smartasses .) Somehow, at least so far, we've avoided all that. (I will put a disclaimer in here - this was not always the case. Our family had it normal ups and downs when the kids were young and as an only child I was always in fear they would kill each other, but it's amazing how it all worked out - per Hubs' promise. I should have just relaxed and listened to him.)

The youngest daughter made the observation once that all of them had different interests which kept them from competing with each other. That's probably part of it. They really do take pride in each others' accomplishments and support each other 100%. They also each have our family's unique sense of humor. It's warped a bit. We're a bit dark. We're a bit smartassy. But we all understand each other when it comes to it, because we're all the same in that regard. (Occasionally I do pity the spouses and/or significant others when they get caught up in the whirlwind - some, however, can keep up really well on their own! Hense, they are in the relationship they are in. )

The other thing we do is we open up to each other. We tend to talk things out... even if it hurts. Sometimes it has to be said on a blog, but it still gets said and we get it out in the open. We've learned to try and say what we mean and mean what we say... (unless, of course, that smartassy thing gets in the way. )

I love our family. Sappy? Yeah... Hubs keeps saying after that valentine's post that you all probably are getting sick of this. Can't say I didn't warn ya. You know, right up there.... in the title.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

...and the Evil Spreads...

My kids came this weekend, as promised. In the course of talking to them all, it was determined that the younger daughter might be a likely candidate for WoW-ing with us... (insert evil laugh)

Yes. Yes we did. We got her hooked. Now, even though she lives in Kansas, she will now be able to get online and kick butt with the rest of the family. Now if we can just get her little brother hooked...

We're workin' on it.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

It's Snowing!

My apologies in advance to Livey, who, I know, hates the snow. I would too, if I had to go out and shovel it off my roof. Thankfully, all I have to do is sit in the house and watch it. They're calling for a large amount today,but it's coming later than expected and only just started about 6 o'clock this morning. As of now we have a couple of inches, but more on the way. This is my kind of day.

Soon there will be homemade veggie soup on the stove, homemade bread baking, and already the fireplace is lit and the books have been started to be read. The kitties are chasing bread wrapper twisties around and being silly, and the internet hasn't gone down. I braved the fierce wind and biting cold this morning to let the pups out, and even they didn't stay out long! Then I forced myself to go out back and fill all the near-empty birdfeeders so my feathered friends would find sustanence in the snow.


Did I mention my kids are all coming over this weekend? The Kansas crew are coming in late tomorrow night and the rest are flocking over on Saturday to watch movies on the big-screen TV. We're going to have good food and the best of company. I'm so excited I can hardly wait. It doesn't get any better than this... well, I suppose if we won the lottery that would be nice...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

If at First You Don't Succeed, Destroy All Evidence That You Tried*

I admit it. I’ve become a WoW addict. (That’s World of Warcraft to you innocents). I sat at the dinner table a few months ago and listened as my eldest daughter, Manda, and her hubs talked about this online game they were playing and how much fun they were having. Although I have always been a computer geek, I never quite made the transition into the gaming community. I never could manage to run a Nintendo controller or anything remotely like it. I felt inadequate somehow by this lack of skills. I mean, have I mentioned I’m a computer geek? Yeah.

So without warning it was a bolt from the blue (I think that may have been redundant) to receive the software for WoW for Christmas. It sat, untouched, on my desk for a couple of weeks as I looked at the box and dared myself to actually open it and see what it was all about. It taunted me with the pretty colors and vivid graphics on the box to the point where I almost…. Almost…. opened it. Fear made me hold back.

Pshaw. What a fool. I was.

Manda came over and helped me install it and after some technical difficulties, I was finally online. With lots of hand-holding from her and her Hubs, I have been gradually working through this mysterious world of elves and humans and gnomes and strange animals. I’ve been a hunter, a mage, a shaman, a warlock, a paladin and a warrior. I’ve gone to other realms and been undead and a troll. I’ve been good and I’ve been evil… and, by golly, I’ve been having a blast!

Who’da thunk? Certainly not my son-in-law! To his credit, he’s been very good about this. He’s offered online support and encouragement, and put up with every stupid question I could come up with. He’s tolerated days when I’ve gone to their house and plugged my laptop into their network and played for hours with Manda, then stayed and eaten supper with them and played hours more with them both. He just puts on this cute little secret smile he’s got and keeps playing…

With the new addition to our family room (big TV) Hubs is now pretty much a permanent fixture there. I sit down there with my laptop as I get the best internet signal there, and I play alongside the TV blaring the history channel, ESPN, or NASCAR. I wear earphones, but they don’t block out everything, but that’s okay… I enjoy being able to do something I like to do and still visit with Hubs. I think he’s getting used to me cussing when I get dead again, or someone takes away a special prize I was working for… He’s learning what it means when I say, “my imp got killed” or “my pet ran away”.

Me? Let’s just say it’s gotten bad. When you wake up in the middle of the night trying to figure out a strategy for completing quests in an area that you have been getting killed pretty regularily in, or you lay there trying to decide if you want to get rid of one of your characters or develop a new one, this is bad. When you dream in WoW characters, family members and work-related issues all rolled into one bizarre dream, this is bad. When you know more people by their character names then you ever have in your life by their real names… this is bad? Oh, hell, maybe not. It’s FUN, people! It’s fun… Addicted? Yep… I’ll admit it.

*Murphy's Law #?

Monday, February 13, 2006

Do Not Marry a Person That You Know That You Can Live With; Only Marry Someone That You Cannot Live Without*

With Valentines’ Day around the corner, I wanted to mention a few words about Love. You know, Love with a large “L”. I am lucky. I’ve got someone that is just perfect for me:

  • He thinks I’m beautiful. This, as any woman will tell you is priceless. I am not the 125 lb. waif that he met 26 years ago. I do not wake up every morning and immediately put makeup and contacts on in fear he will see me without them. I actually do not wear contacts hardly ever anymore because I’ve grown into bifocals and have astigmatism to the point that even with contacts I must use reading glasses when I want to actually read something. Have I mentioned I read all the time? Yeah. It’s like that. He teases me when I ask him “does this make me look fat”… and holds out his hands, saying “yep, here’s the minefield. Step on it.” To his credit, tho’, he’ll tell me if something just isn’t working.
  • We agree on just about everything, but not everything. This is a good thing, trust me. I’ve been with people who agree with me 100% and sometimes I just argued the in the wrong to try and draw them out and make them disagree with me. They wouldn’t do it. I honestly can’t handle 100% agreement. Even if I’m right.
  • He does not expect miracles. Read into this whatever you wish. I know what I mean.
  • He does not complain about things that don’t get done as quickly as perhaps he feels they should be done, and we never, ever, ever leave “honey-do” lists for each other. Ever.
  • He doesn’t complain about my cooking. He eats virtually anything. He’s honest if he doesn’t care for something or if he really likes it and would like it added to the “regular” rotation. He doesn’t put up a fuss if I tell him it’s “his night to cook” – which can either be him actually cooking (he has a short list of things he can do without supervision) or take-out meals or a restaurant dinner either one will count as him “cooking”. If I do cook and am feeling pathetically lazy, he doesn’t have a hissy fit when it becomes shit-on-a-shingle night or frozen pizza. To my credit, when I try, I can be a good cook. At least both of us now have the girth to indicate this.
  • We agree on sex. ‘nuf said. I don’t need people finding me from “hot sex on hot nights” or I used to tease him about farm boys being very close to their cows and called him a “cow-kisser”. Then there is the ever popular question “why do we keep getting handcuffs from the Christmas party grab bag and what are we going to do with them?”. Yeah. Those of you who have gotten those searches understand.
  • He is surprising. Just when I think he’s spaced off the whole Christmas / Birthday / Anniversary / Valentines’ Day thing… he’ll surprise me and send me flowers or a nice card or will let me know he really has put some thought into it. Of course, I love him enough and understand him enough to know he’s a man and sometimes these things just slip right through the sieve and get lost in the flotsam and jetsam of his life. I’m a good forgiver, too.
  • I mentioned it in detail the last posts, but he and I have the same belief system. Having said that, he was supportive when I wanted to try church again and he was supportive when I wanted to quit. That’s my guy. Supportive. 100%.
  • He is smart. This man has forgotten more stuff than I ever knew in the first place. He irritates me sometimes because he is one of those people who is a chameleon. He can “dumb down” when talking to just about everyone else in the universe so he doesn’t intimidate them, but damn! I hate that he sounds so “hick-like” when I know he really is intelligent.
  • He is funny. He makes me smile every day, if not laugh out loud. It isn’t that he is a comedian; he is just – as we say in our family – a smartass. (Yes, I can hear him now… better than a dumbass. Also a family line.)
  • He doesn’t tolerate bullshit. Okay, that’s a lie. He tolerates immense amounts of bullshit from his family, and he tolerates it. Doesn’t mean he likes it, just means he tolerates it. Me? I’m with him…
  • He hates secrets. Which is fine, ‘cause I don’t like keeping them. (Except the blog – whatever you do, don’t tell his family about the blog!!!)
  • He is good at sharing. This is nice, since I have “only child syndrome” and don’t like to share. He finds this humorous and doesn’t mind when I become rather childish about *my* things. HEY! I said, stay OUT of the chocolate or lose an eye!
  • He is softhearted. The man is a marshmallow. Seriously. He is not afraid to give his kids a hug and tell them how much he loves them. He’s not afraid to share his innermost thoughts with all of us and let us know how he ticks. He would yell at the kids (sometimes still does), but then would sneak up to their room before they went to sleep and apologize for his anger. He couldn’t sleep until he talked to them. He suffers from withdrawal if he doesn’t hear from them or about them at least every couple of days. He finds a way to lurk on their blogs or make me get in touch with them… yeah, real subtle. He has become an animal nut and loves our critters as much as I do (of course, a couple of them have become ‘his’ by default…).
  • He loves me. I love him.

It’s a nice feeling when you know you’re with the right one. Hope you all have the right one… or, at least, can see a glimmer of it on the horizon. Having said that, I’ve nothing against those who wish to be alone. There is something big to be said for being with the wrong one, too, and in many cases alone is better than that. If you’re happy that way, then more power to you!

Have a good Valentines’ Day tomorrow… and don’t worry about the candy or the flowers or the cards or all the crap that has turned it into a Hallmark Holiday Extravaganza. All it takes is a hug and a kiss and an “I love you”.

*Anonymous

Sunday, February 12, 2006

You Win Some, Lose Some, and Wreck Some*

This weekend was the awards banquet for my youngest son. I know I’ve mentioned at various times throughout the summer about Hubby going to races… and even a few I managed to get myself to. Well, this was the night he was recognized for his hard work. He won the track championship in the stock car division.

We had a nice dinner, some good conversation with people you are usually racing against, and he received a large trophy, plaque and some money. All in all a nice evening.

He’s 22. He’s competing against guys who, for the most part, are 10-20 years older than he is and have been doing this a lot longer. The guy has natural talent. It wouldn’t surprise me to see him go pro someday, but I won’t push it. It’s his thing… I just wanted to mention how proud I am of him. He’s a good guy and a helluva racer. A clean racer, which in this day and age means something. He’s gotten a lot of respect from these guys he races against and as a mom, I appreciate that.

Way to go, Jon!

*Dale Earnhardt

Friday, February 10, 2006

Very Funny Scotty; Now Beam Down My Clothes*

When I was married the first time, I married a man who had strong family ties in the RLDS church. (No, not the Mormons, the other ones.) I tried to be a ‘good girl’ and fit in, even being baptized in their faith. I went to church, went to church camp, and tried to find out more about their religion. When my then father-in-law started giving me books and talks about how their religion was tied into UFO phenomena and the desert drawings and cave paintings… well, they pretty much lost me there. It’s not that I don’t have an open enough mind to believe that UFO’s are a possibility, but when you mix that up with my image of God, it just doesn’t work. Neither did the marriage, for various other reasons.

Although I’ve had my go-rounds with organized religion, I’ve always still had my faith in God. I’m not sure if He’s a He, a She, or an It, (for our purposes, I’ll stay with He), but I know He’s there. How? Too many examples to mention, from the premature birth of my eldest child and subsequent health of all of my children, to my almost eerie luck in finding my current husband. I tell, ya, all the moons and planets were aligned that night! They had to be…

My second husband and I were married in the Lutheran church, by a minister I’m almost positive was a fake. Just kidding. He did like his wee nip of liquor, however, and he really seemed to enjoy our rehearsal dinner and reception maybe a tad more then I felt was a good thing for a man of the clergy… just sayin’…

After that, we didn’t see much of the church, as my husband has the same attitude about organized religion as I do. This became a bone of contention in his family – especially with his mother – when we did not baptize our two younger children (the older ones were already baptized by the previous family.) Again, he and I don’t believe that God was going to send our children to hell if we were wrong in our beliefs… and we felt when they were old enough to make their own choice, then we would support them in whatever they chose.

We didn’t pray at mealtimes, we didn’t go to church, but we tried to get across the story of Jesus at Christmas and Easter and we tried especially to raise our kids with the one important message, “do unto others”…

When our youngest daughter started looking into religion as a college student, we supported her and when she went gung-ho into it in a big way, we tried to keep up. It made me sad when I went to a meeting where she was going to speak and she got up and told this room full of strangers that she was not raised in a Christian home. Ugh. Knife. Heart. Stab. Pain. Boy, kids know right where to get you, don’t they? This led to a lot of discussion and further realization that perhaps we’d not done enough to lead our children into Belief.

I began going to an E-Free church that my daughter had gotten pretty chummy with. She was singing in the choir, and at first I just went to hear her sing – she has a beautiful voice. I liked the way I was treated there and began going on a pretty regular basis. Finally, deciding it was time to change my membership out of the RLDS church that I’d not been with for years to the E-Free, I took a big leap and went in with what I thought were eyes wide open. Our daughter even went so far as to be baptized – making her grandmother finally happy that she wouldn’t be going to hell.

Things went pretty smoothly for awhile. I was getting involved in some of the teachings and joined a bible study group. Things were fine until the church decided they needed a bigger church. Mind you, the one they already had was huge and had all the modern do-dads – big screens, etc. Now I was suddenly having flashbacks again because all the sermons began to circle around “we need money” …”land”…”building”…”money”…”money”… arrrggghhh!!!

In frustration I began skipping the services. Then I had trouble facing the bible thumpers studiers and the lesson-givers. My daughter hung on… until the straw that broke the camel’s back. She met a man. The man who she is now happily married to. The man who was raised Catholic so in the eyes of the E-Free people was a demon. WTF? What are they talking about? The head pastor got her off to the side and told her they were not happy with her choice and that she should stop seeing him. They got cold and bitter with her. She tried to tell them she had even dated someone in their church who treated her horribly – but they didn’t want to hear that.

After much soul-searching, she, too, left the church. Not having lost her belief, but having seen what her father and I had been trying to explain for years about the organized religion part of it all.

I don’t know why, but it seems the people who are in the church who are supposed to be the most loving, forgiving, (turn the other cheek??) are the ones who can be the most spiteful, hateful and unforgiving. When I was going through my divorce and the court send out a social worker (we were undergoing a custody suit) the people who said the worst things about me were the church people who didn’t even know me! I was so stunned and hurt by that. With our daughter, once she stood up for this loving, kind, sweet young man she had met and saw no reason to break up with simply because his family raised him in a different church, she too was given the down-the-nose look of the almighty church peoples.

When they got married, it was by a judge. They were married in a beautiful room on the college campus where they met. It was a lovely service and in my heart I know a blessed service. Why? Because I believe God is everywhere. God doesn’t belong in a stone palace. God is in the face of my children, the face of my love. You can’t look at the perfection of a single flower or a single snowflake – or the face of any one of my cats – and not see God had a hand in it. That’s not to say I’m not a believer in science or medicine – I feel God has to have had a hand in that, too. I don’t know if I believe in the creation story – I guess I have a theory that it may just be a creative way to describe evolution.

Too many things have happened in my life for me not to believe in God. He, She, or It will always be with me. The Church? Sorry, but you can keep it. My church is my garden, my children’s laugher, my kitties snuggled up next to me purring, my pups being silly, my beagle giving me a big hug, my husband’s eyes. That is my church. Amen.

*author unknown

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Is Man One of God's Blunders or is God One of Man's Blunders?*

This is going to be a long one. Hang in there. I’m probably going to make someone mad here. If so, you know what to do – leave. This is for me. You don’t like it, you can’t go somewhere else.

I don’t believe in God.
Got your attention?
I lied.

I don’t believe in organized religion.
That is the truth.

When I was three, my mother died. I was sent to live with my fraternal grandparents at some point when she got sick with polio, before she actually passed. I was raised by them until my dad got re-married when I was five. That was when my relationship began with God.

I used to have dreams of my mother. I could see her, but she was always out of reach. Beckoning to me to join her, I could never quite make it. I would wake crying and wondering why this had happened and why I couldn’t get to her. I remember praying to God to help me get to her.

My earliest recollection of church was summer Bible school in a very small town we lived in. The only thing I remember about that summer Bible school was the boy who had a small shiny red bicycle that I wanted to learn to ride in the worst way. (I’m still a sucker for shiny red vehicles.) When I finally managed to ride it I was so proud that I spilled the beans at home - leading directly to spanking and lecture, do not pass Go, do not collect $200 - for being on someone else’s’ bike. (No, I did not have one.)

My next recollection of church was in junior high when we moved back to the ‘big city’ and in an effort by my parents to make sure I attached to the right crowd, they found a girl who went to school with me that attended the Methodist church my parents actually were married in. It was in another part of town, so they arranged for me to start attending Wednesday night MYF meetings with her. (Methodist Youth Fellowship for those of you who aren’t familiar – most religions have some sort of similar groups for their youth. A lesson, a snack, and good, wholesome fun… uh…okay, whatever.) What they didn’t realize was this girl was a bored with it all as I was and we usually sat outside and talked while the fun and games part was going on. We go to know each other pretty well and she became my best friend.

When I became a little older, my grandmother got very sick and died of cancer. It was blessedly quick, but very difficult to lose a woman who I really looked on as a second mother. I started skipping out of MYF and instead of sitting outside with my friend, I began sitting in the chapel in the dark, trying to make some sense out of what my life had become. I was deep into the “dark years” of my life and saw no end in sight.

No, no light came down from the sky and spoke to me… no pews burst into flames… nothing at all happened. I thought maybe it was the approach. I began going to church on Sunday morning, hoping to hear a sermon that would lead me out of the darkness and show me the right path. Nope. Didn’t happen. I got a lot about “missionaries”… “underdeveloped countries”…”need money”… “money”… “money”… blah blah blah. I was crushed. Where was my guidance? Where was the hope? Where was the help for me, here, now? Did I have to be in an underdeveloped country to hear about God?

To Be Continued…

*Friedrich Nietzsche

Comfort Food

Stolen from Jules.

Hot cocoa and buttered toast
Homemade chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes
Buttered mashed potatoes
Buttered noodles
Mac and cheese
Scalloped potatoes and ham
Homemade veggie soup
Homemade bread - warm with butter
Biscuits and sausage gravy
Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches
Homemade beef stew


I see a starch trend here... could that be the Irish coming out?

Monday, February 06, 2006

As Predicted

Yep. Don't want to brag, but it was as good as predicted. I had a great afternoon on Friday, and an equally good weekend. The internet guys are supposed to be out to the house between 11 and 3 (yes, that would be when they are scheduled, at any rate) and if all the planets are aligned and the internet gods are smiling, we will once again have internet at home. (Hang on, Hubby, just a few more hours!)

I just love when a plan comes together!

Hope you all aren't too hung over tired after your super bowl parties. Me? I think I know who won...

Friday, February 03, 2006

Reasons Why Life is Good - In No Particular Order

  • I'm playing telephone tag with the people who are re-aligning my internet dish. This is good. This is hope.
  • I'm leaving work at noon
  • I'm relatively healthy again
  • I've got a character on WoW that is kicking ass
  • I have nothing planned for the weekend
  • I'm getting caught up on my blog reading
  • I have kids that rock
  • I have the perfect mate (for me)
  • I'm making one of my favorites for supper (baked chicken with rice)
  • My critters are good companions
  • I have a shelf full of unread books
  • Did I mention I'm getting off at noon?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Missing Macy









cw has a missing pup, Macy. Think good thoughts for him as he tries to get her back... he's seen her in the area, but she's scared and won't come back to him.

Flashback For Andy

Once again I impress you with a photo of my lovely daughters, Manda and Em and my handsome Hubby (he has no blog).

Harmony - Sort Of

One day later.
One not-so-expensive monitor.
One not-so-expensive video card.
Peace.

Internet? Not yet.

After another 90 minute conversation first with "Fernando", then "Raoel"(I'm sure they must make up these names) I am transferred to the Advanced Tech Help department for my satellite internet. This would be "Damien". After another 30 minutes of this and that, he happens to ask what my signal strength is. 43 I happily reply. 43? To surf the internet he tells me I should have a minimum of 52. Hmmm... He has me tweak this and that and I get it up to 55. This is not good enough for Damien, and, no, I still cannot get my system to work. So now we are on a list for a "truck call" - meaning some actual person is going to come to my home and re-align the satellite so, hopefully, I will once again have a great signal strength and we will be in the land of the technologically advanced peoples. Damien asked me if anyone else had asked about the signal strength. I told him they had and they'd seemed perfectly happy with 43. I could swear I almost heard the word "dumbasses" come out of his mouth... (I was thinking of you, Director.)

Oh, and the mega-TV center? Is working just fine, thank you. I got the remote re-programmed for the new DVD player, so now all you do is push one button on the remote to "watch movie" and the TV comes on to the right signal and channel, the DVD player comes on, and the stereo (yes, Becky, we already HAD the surround sound) comes on to the correct settings. One button. I think Hubs can handle that. We still have two remotes, as it would have been too confusing to try and program the remote to handle all the DISH-TV stuff, but still... two remotes is pretty good.

Did I mention I have a little mini-watt microwave coming for the downstairs bar? Now we can have fresh popcorn without walking up the stairs. Pretty soon you'll just have to roll us out the downstairs door and around the house to get us to the vehicles.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

EITTTS Returns!

Everything
I
Tough
Turns
To
Shit

It's baaack...

Let's recap. We bought the new TV. We had to have a DVD "up-convert" player too, of course. It was inexpensive, but is supposed to take your 'normal' DVDs and make them HDTV quality. We got a universal remote that does everything except pop the popcorn - you program it with your computer.

I get everthing hooked up. It all works - except - the DVD player skips. WTF? Skips? Yes. Every few seconds it blinks quickly, then after about six blinks, it goes black for a few seconds. The satellite guy tried to tell me this was the way it would be and gave me some techno-description for why. Sorry. I'm just techno to think he's nuts. This is not the way it will be.

I go back to Big Box where we bought our stuff. Talk to the guy in the department we bought it. Of course, the same guy wasn't working today, but this guy looked half-way intelligent. He says, that's not right (duh) and bring it back to exchange, must be broken.

After work yesterdayI take DVD player back, exchange for exact same one, heading home with thoughts of a quick install and a few hours of WoW afterwards. Not to be. For some reason, my i-net wasn't working, so I stopped to see if that could be fixed. I'd been having issues with them changing my account around and they were having trouble getting it to re-do itself and let me back into the system. I take the time to call them.

At some point, tech guy says, "go turn of the modem, and the computer, wait 30 seconds and turn them back on". Kiss of death, I tell ya. The modem came back up, the computer tried to, but now my monitor won't do anything. (Yes, smartasses, it is plugged in.) The lights blink, but I can't get it to show a picture. At all. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. I unplugged and plugged back, I re-hooked to computer, I tried everything. It's toast. Well shit. Now I have to let the tech guy go (knowing when I call back it will be another 30 minute wait listening to something from the disco age).

I ponder this and call Hubs to ask him to bring his monitor home so I can try it. Okay, that's settled, he'll do it.

I go downstairs and proceed to hook up the new DVD player. Putting in a brand-new DVD, I wait for the picture to come up... and...blink.Blink. Blink. Blink. NO! Tearing chunks of my hair out I run for the phone and call the Big Box guys and after a long discussion of cables and DVDs and TVs... oh, wait... TV! This TV won't work with this DVD player. WTF? You mean they couldn't tell us that the day we were in there buying all of this stuff at the same time??

Hubby comes home. I take his monitor and try to hook it up to my computer. They're both Dell. They won't hook up. They both are male. Okay, I can handle this. I'm on my way to Big Box with the DVD player, so I'll just pick up an adaptor.

Heading across town (again) I race into Big Box and zip right up to the return counter without any hesitation. Then I must explain to the service person that the DVD player I brought in earlier really wasn't broken, and this one isn't either, but that I must exchange it for another one. She looked at me like I was crazy. I don't suppose the missing clumps of hair, the excess caffeine I ingested, and the look in my eye that Hubby says I get when I'm "on a mission" did much to change that opinion.

I flew to the computer department and, lo and behold, there was a package of adaptors. Several, as a matter of fact. For $12. This I could handle. Off to the Home Theater department where the nice young man I'd previously spoken to was a dinner, but the other nice young man who was there seemed to know what I wanted.

Home.

Downstairs, I hooked up the new DVD player. Turn it on, put in a DVD, and hold my breath. The picture came on the 52" screen in glorious color and HD-TV quality... leaving Hubby to watch "Batman Begins" in perfect blink-free viewing. I still need to re-program the mega remote, but that can wait another day.

Upstairs, I tear open my package of adaptors and pray this will solve the problem and I will be able to make some progress. It didn't happen. The adaptors wouldn't work with this cable. Fuck.

This afternoon I'm heading back to Big Box with my adaptors to return. Hubby has taken his monitor back to his office (he must have his i-net) and I possibly will purchase a new monitor with the stipulation that if this is not the problem I will be able to bring it back. I will take it home and (with luck) it will work and I will then be able to get on the phone for my 2 hour holding-talking-holding session with the internet tech support people and I will get my internet back at home. Keep your fingers crossed.

It isn't even a full moon...