Dear Vacuum Cleaner

You suck. No, actually you don't suck. Which sucks. Your timing couldn't be worse. Don't you realize I am having 10 people for dinner tonight? Don't you know some of you haven't seen the house since it was built and will want to tour? Don't you know that freshly vacuumed carpets are one of the nice things that make people feel you aren't a slob - especially when you have four cats and two dogs in the house? What do you want from me? Why are you working for 3 minutes, then blowing the house fuse? WTF? Answer me, you damn thing!!! You SUCK!