Dear Co-worker

I'm confused. Isn't that thing sitting on your desk a computer? Isn't it in your office? Isn't it connected to the same internet as my computer? Don't you have the same operating system? The same software? The same monitor?

Then why do you have to use my computer when I'm not here? Dumbass.

(A word from the management: Before all of you ask, I can't put passwords on my stuff because we're an "open" and "cooperative" office here and occasionally others must use my computer. I say "must" in the event that they have work-related things to do, not looking for baseball cards on E-bay. Thank you.)