Thursday, July 28, 2005

It's Sure Getting Quiet In Here

Oldest son informed me today that he's to graduate from college in a week. He'll be done. Nine hard years of work (nine years of hard work?)... he claims he wanted to get the "full-four-year-college-experience". Have I mentioned all of my children are smart-asses? Yeah. It's like that.

OS also informed me he'll be moving out of the house that weekend. He's moving to another town - not too far away physically, but a long friggin' way in a mother's heart. He's rather an independent spirit. He comes and goes and often times stays overnight at a friends' place (he refuses to drink and drive after some bad decisions in high school). There may be days when I only know he's alive because the leftovers in the refrigerator have vanished or his mail I left on the kitchen counter is gone.

Still, I know he's here in spirit and I see him at least every couple of days.

I fear once he moves, that won't be the case any longer. He's going to full-time hours at his job. He's got a steady girlfriend now that lives a little further away yet, and he's still got a very active social life with lots of close friends he's had since high school. He's a little bit of a loner in some ways, too. He can be a very open and honest communicator - but you've got to open the door. Sometimes that's hard to do when you see someone for 20 minute bursts at a time. It takes more - like a road trip to visit his sister - to open him up and get into some deeper thoughts.

I know that my kids will always keep in touch. If not, I'll reach out to touch them... But it's as my daughter said the other day, you miss out on all the day-to-day stuff. The informal, the casual conversations. You may get together for a holiday or a weekend, but that's when you hit the high-lights, not the everyday living parts. Guess that's one of the reasons I encouraged her to blog - figured we'd get to see those inside parts that we used to see every day.

It's going to be awfully quiet around here... Just knowing he's gone. I don't see me falling apart in tears like I did when she left, as she and I were are closer than most moms and kids, but just having his smile, his quick wit, his cologne wafting through the house as he left... those are things I'll miss.

Hope he stops by. Often.