Monday, August 29, 2005

He's Soooo Cheap...

How Cheap Is He? Those of you who are old enough to remember Johnny Carson, will get it.

I have a co-worker. He is cheap. Not just frugal, mind you (this is MIL's word - she, too, is cheap, but refuses to be called cheap), but cheap. Those other of us in the office occasionally bring in treats of some sort, or even provide lunch. Nothing fancy, but one of us will bring a crock pot of chili or chicken and noodles, grill burgers, you get the idea. Not B. Twice a year, almost by clockwork, B will bring in a pan of brownies his wife has baked. He takes credit, although we all know his wife has done it.

(He calls her Mother. I don't know about you, but I have a Dad and my Husband is NOT my dad, so unless I'm talking to my children I refuse to call him Dad.)

The rest of the time, B feels not one bit of shame at helping himself to whatever goodies we bring. I'm talking helping himself. If he had a wooden leg, I wouldn't be surprised to see him stuffing it full of chocolate chip cookies!

Occasionally he brings treats. For himself. He brings them into the office and sneaks them into his desk drawer. The other guys go in when he's outside and see what he's brought. Just for fun. We have a pop machine twenty feet from his office door and the pop is 50 cents. Pretty cheap in this day and age. He brought in a little refrigerator and keeps his pop in it. Same kind. HIS.

One day he brought in a big, mouthwatering cinnamon roll. Two of us saw him bring it in... something, anyway. He snuck it down by his side and tried to act nonchelaunt (sp?) as he walked through the office. It only made us suspicious. We checked his drawer while he was in the bathroom. good it looked! Two hours later, I saw him sneak it back out of his desk and over to the storage room, where I presumed he ate it as he didn't have it when he came back out ten minutes later.

He's always up for free lunches if one of the salesmen are buying, but if it's up to him to buy his own lunch he'll just go home where "Mother" will make his lunch. (Yes, she works full time).

When you pitch in to buy a gift from the office, he's always the last one to contribute and often has to be reminded several times of the amount - as though he can't remember it's ten dollars. Uh huh.

He was on vacation last week, but had to stop by the office one evening for something. One of the other guys had a newspaper laying on his desk he'd not gotten around to reading yet. When he came in the next day, the paper was gone. Who could have taken it? B. Only he is too cheap to go buy his own. He wanted the grocery ads.

The only guy cheaper that him that I know is my BIL. That's another story.