New "Mom"

I'm loving it. Daughter gets up yesterday morning and says she thinks she can now relate to new mothers everywhere. She's bone tired, no makeup, no shower and she just wants to go back to bed. On the up side, the new "kid" is just adorable. I think she's going to be a "momma's girl". Lucky momma.

Puppy Saga Continues

Ahhh... well, I've got more info. The "torture" collar (my name) is called a "pinch collar". I found a "Gentle Leader" today and purchased one to try. They aren't cheap, are they? I also got a harness to try. We'll see how they get along in the next few days.

On a happier note, my daughter got here today for the week... I'm so tickled!! We got her new pup this afternoon, too. It is such a sweetie... such a small thing. It's like having grandchildren or children...you have a tendency after awhile to forget how tiny they start out. I can't believe how big my 7 month old pups look compared to this little 9-week-old. Along the same lines, it is a "grand-critter" and I'm glad my daughter is here to take care of her. It will be nice not to have to jump up in the middle of the night when she cries... for the most part, mine are over that now and sleep through the night. I say for the most part, because we still have minor trauma when there are storms or a full moon. Guess they're a lot like me in that regard.

Looking forward to spending lots of quality time with both daughter and new grand-critter.

Have a good holiday, everyone. Remember the ones you love... the ones that have gone before, and the ones who are still around.

Overwhelmed

Wow! You read me... you really read me...!

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions about my puppies. I don't know what kind of a collar it is (Gentle Leader?) because there was no package or name on it. I'm probably going to be going to the pet store sometime in the next few days and I'll see if that's what it is. For now, I'm in a holding pattern. The harness sounds good, though...

Thank you so much!

Am I a Bad "Mom"

Sooo... last night was puppy obedience class.

A little background. I've never taken a dog to an obedience class. I've usually had pretty good luck just working with them at home and I live in the country where I don't have to have my dog on a leash, or be sure they are 'social', nor will I ever have a 'show' dog. Not my thing. When my youngest child got a huskie pup a short while back, he and girlfriend decided to do the obedience thing. That's good. Huskie's are known to be a bit nutso (technical term) if they aren't controlled. They started going to puppy class and I heard about how good it was. I decided to try it with my Shih Tzus.

I started by going to a 'puppy' class with my little one, Frieda. She did well, except when it came to walking on a leash. She parked her butt and refused any treat or bribe. I continued to work with her and Frank at home. She still did the brake thing, but Frank did great. At. Home.

The trainer decided they should be going to the 'adult' class, since they are over 6 months old. I was sick last week, but last night when I went I decided to take Frank since he'd been doing so well. He did fine with everything - except the leash. He, too, became Stubborn Puppy. Not a bribe in the place could get him to walk with me on the leash. This is where it becomes *gulp* hard.

The trainer got out this collar. I don't know what it's called, but it looks like something you'd torture with. She kept say, "This won't hurt him"...followed by "He may fight or scream, but trust me, he's not being hurt". Ooookay... That was an understatement. He fought, he growled, he snarled, he went from being my cuddly, sweet, most-mild-mannered Shih Tzu to the puppy from HELL. You woulda thought he was possessed. The trainer: "Just keep going back and forth on this middle path and when he's moving, praise him". This went on for about 15-20 minutes while all the other dogs in the class (lab, choc lab, poodle, schnauzer, schnauzer2, and pit bull) were all being as well-mannered as could be on their leashes. Heeling, stopping, staying, turning, doing it all soooo nicely while my hell-hound was carrying on in the middle of the room.

The whole way home, Frank pouted. I don't know how to explain this, except to tell you that I had a Shih Tzu for 17 years - Dusty. She was the sweetest thing. We learned early on that you couldn't yell at her. It took very little correction for her to know the right way to do something. If she got yelled at (as I say, only did once or twice) she would go sit by herself and cry... I kid you not. Cried. Real. Tears. We couldn't believe it the first time or two. She would sit there and tears would run down her face. Then she wouldn't come around you for at least a half a day. It really hurt her feelings. Hubby reminded me of this when I got home last night and Frank went into his pen, laid down and put his chin on his paws and looked at me with those sad "human" eyes. (My son swears he doesn't have dog eyes, but has human ones.) He was so subdued all night last night.

Now I'm in a quandry. I feel like a bad mom. I mean, a really bad mom. I called my daughter who is working at the pet store. She's an animal nut, too. She thinks this isn't good. She tells me those "torture" collars (my name) shouldn't be used on a Shih Tzu, that their neck bones are too fragile. They should only be used on dogs like German Shepherds and Pit Bulls. Then I talk to youngest son who is taking his dog there. He says the trainer told them the first class that she would never make them do something that would make them uncomfortable.

Hmmm... My first instinct (and Hubby's) was to say, to heck with the money (I paid in full and it wasn't that much). I live on a farm and my dog walks on a leash good enough for me and it isn't worth it to me to torture the dog just to make it walk 'properly'. Did I mention she sent home the collar so I could practice torturing my dog at home? ... and his sister?

Son says I should talk to the trainer. That if I did, she probably wouldn't make me use the collar. But if I don't use the collar, Frank won't walk on his leash in class. That is a lot of what they have to learn - it has to do with the walking. Did I mention... SHIT. Yeah, it's like that.

But What Did I Ever Do To You?

This post by Heather brought a memory to the forefront. Our youngest child is a boy. I have a theory that God makes the last one (no matter how many you have) the kind of a child where you know you don't want to continue having children. I love him, but he was a handful. At one point my FIL (may he rest in peace) was laughing at Hubby... telling him he was just getting payback. That this was exactly what he always wanted for my husband. Someone to get even with him for all the stuff he'd put his parents through.

I looked at my FIL and asked, "But what did I ever do to you?" His reply. "You married him."

Love, ya', Dad.

Can I Get a Little Color Here?

It is a gray day. I mean, blech. I'm feeling grouchy. I shouldn't be... I should be happy. Youngest daughter called and tells me she is coming to stay with us next week instead of going to the Grand Canyon on the major hiking trip she's been planning with new hubby and some friends. She just decided she wasn't in good enough shape to keep up - the rest of the group are pretty die-hard hikers, bikers, etc., and are in very good condition. She tells me it's 108 degrees in the canyon. I say, that would kill me just sitting there, let alone hiking with a 40 lb. pack! She agrees. This makes me happy. I've missed her. This will be nice. So why am I cranky?

Let's see... I've been doing some research on this wonderful little pill the doctor put me on a few months back. Lexapro, is its' name. I think it's supposed to make me feel better. Not so anxious. More social. Uh huh. After gaining about 20 lbs. I'm not feeling anxious. I'm feeling fat. Pissed. Grouchy. No more social. Arrrggghhh! My research tells me this can happen. Oh, goodie. So, you take medicine to make you feel better, then it makes you gain weight and you feel bad so you take the medicine to make you feel better. I think that about sums it up. What a circle-jerk. Oops. Sorry. That was Hubby's potty-mouth kicking in.

I need a jammie day in the WORST way. Soon. Please.

Time

Working hard...can't you tell?

I blame this person.

Ooooo... My FAVORITE!

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Did Someone Say Basil?

What herb are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tin Foil

Lest I forget, the moon is back. Get out the tin foil.

The *ahem* Force

Not to be outdone by our kids, Hubby and I went to "Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith" last night.

Padame: I'm pregnant
Hubby: Hmmm.. I thought she just got FAT while he was gone

Padame: It's Anakan's
Hubby: ...and a Jedi master couldn't figure THAT out?

Me: You know there are going to be twins, right?
Hubby: Yeah, I remember he has a sith-ster
Me:....

A New Day

Ah, yes... a new day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. All is well in this small corner of the world. So why am I depressed? Damn.

Relief

Yes, I have finally pooped. Now can we get on with other things?

Bummer

Youngest son did not have a good night. Broke a ball joint and hit the wall... he's okay, car is hurt (not badly). He didn't get to finish the race. He and Hubby are NOT happy campers... Oh, well. Win some, lose some. I'm just glad he's in one piece.

Under the Weather

Note: The following post is not for those who do not care to discuss bodily functions. Skip this post if you are one of these people.

It's not something I'm proud of, just a fact of life. I have a lot in common with Heather when it comes to bowel function. The past two days have been hell. Hubby isn't as funny as he thinks he is. He comes into the room with the porcelein throne and proceeds to say, "Need some dynomite?". Oh, you are such a funny man. If I could get my numb posterior off this piece of furniture I would so pummel you.

This seems to be a fairly frequent problem. It fluctuates between no movement for days to then deciding it will clean itself out thoroughly all in one day...several times...in one day.

I've tried the usual helpful products to no effectiveness. I look at my husband. Maybe dynomite would work...

Postponed

Rained at the track, so it will not be racing tonight. Will have to wait for tomorrow...

Whoo Hoo!

Youngest son has qualified tonight for the big race tomorrow night! Hubby called and said he won his heat race and is going to maybe start near the front of the pack tomorrow night. $10,000 pot to win! This is getting exciting!

I'd really be excited if I weren't so tired..!!

100 Things

1. I used to be good at math and spelling
2. I am not a natural redhead
3. I went pre-maturely white haired in my 20's
4. I am painfully shy until you get to know me, then I'm very out-going
5. I enjoy driving but not riding
6. I am an only child
7. I am not spoiled
8. I need feedback
9. I was always freakishly tall, now everyone has caught up to me
10. I love to read mysteries and horror and other strange things
11. I hate romance novels. All of them.
12. I usually know how it ends
13. I am an animal nut, but am not an advocate of PETA
14. I love my children and my children's children, but have little time and patience for other people's children
15. I am anti-social
16. I like it at home
17. I enjoy the outdoors as long as it is bug-free
18. I am a chocoholic
19. I have a crack-addiction need for Pepsi
20. I am allergic to artificial sweeteners
21. I love jammie days
22. I have been married twice, divorced once
23. I find my (current) husband to be the sexiest man alive - imperfections and all
24. I laugh easily
25. I cry over sad movies and books
26. I do not cry at weddings. Ever.
27. I never drank alcohol before I turned 18
28. I don't like beer
29. I have ESP
30. I loved school but hated the people
31. I am soft-hearted
32. I like plants and gardening
33. I hate people who play dumb
34. I am a very good painter when I copy something, but not so good when doing originals
35. I have a gift for interior design
36. I think like a computer. We've always gotten along well.
37. I believe in God - wherever She is
38. I feel I'm an old soul
39. I like to do things with my kids
40. I had a nervous breakdown
41. I survived
42. I am much better now
43. I secretly want to write and publish books - (not so secret anymore)
44. I have lots of good beginnings for books, but no storyline
45. I would like to be debt-free
46. I don't like having my picture taken
47. I don't have time for people who play mind games
48. I anger slowly
49. I hold grudges
50. I admit when I'm wrong
51. I used to be skinny and gorgeous but never knew it until I wasn't anymore
52. I got glasses in 5th grade and didn't recognize my own mother
53. I love snow
54. I do not tan - I burn and peel and burn and peel and freckle
55. I have Irish heritage and am proud of it
56. Ireland is the only country outside of the USA I would like to visit
57. I have only been outside of the USA twice
58. I much prefer working with men to working with women
59. I have two good friends - the rest are just aquaintances
60. I love the smell of coffee but hate the taste
61. I hug my family - no one else
62. I am a voracious reader
63. I like to cook but hate to clean up
64. I like to eat. Everything. See no. 51
65. If I won the lottery I wouldn't quit my job, just ask my boss to let me work from home
66. I am a natural slob but a neat one
67. I am a perfectionist
68. I like movies and don't mind going by myself
69. I have an innate sense of time
70. Racial remarks upset me
71. I love all music and wish I could sing - okay, wish I could sing well
72. I played a trumpet in school - I was first chair
73. I learned piano as an adult
74. I forgot everything I learned
75. I would like to learn it all again
76. I like to swim but don't often. See no. 64
77. I unsuccessfully tried to kill myself. It was a long time ago.
78. I know better now
79. I do not go to Tupperware parties or anything resembling them
80. I do not play cutesy games. See above.
81. I have a mind and I like to use it
82. I am a good lover
83. I like to live where there are four seasons
84. I have a high tolerance for old people
85. I have a low tolerance for stupidity
86. If no. 84 and 85 occur at the same time, no. 85 will probably win
87. I have had back surgery
88. I do not like commercials
89. I do not like talking on the phone
90. I like e-mail
91. I like people who make me laugh
92. I hate home videos. Anybody's.
93. I have never broken a bone
94. I was never an athlete
95. I don't have allergies
96. I am scared of heights
97. I am scared of guns
98. I wish I could play video games
99. I hate clowns
100. Full moons mess with me
     

Whew!

...and to think I almost LOST you!

What Was I Thinking?

Oh SHIT. Yeah, it's like that.
I changed my template knowing that I'd backed up the old one (with all those lovely links to all of your wonderful blogs) and then realized after I'd done it that the back up is on my work computer. Duh. I'm at home on my laptop. Duh again.

So, be patient. This is going to be a work in progress...

To Change or Not to Change

Debating whether or not to lighten the mood around here... Whaddya think?

Luck Runs Out

My youngest son raced his car last night and his luck ran out. He blew up the motor in his car right off the bat. Then, for some reason Hubby can't fathom, he convinced the guy who parks next to him at the track to let him drive his Hobby Stock to get track points. It's a different class of car, a slower class than what my son drives. You would think that would be a good thing. Son wasn't used to the car and tried to push it faster than it should be pushed ... and rolled the car. He's fine. Car is not. Remember, this is not his car. <sigh>

Hubby was furious with him for even doing it.

Things are a bit calmer today. Amazingly enough, the guy whose car he wrecked isn't mad at all! Will wonders never cease? Son has parts lined up from guys volunteering them free- feeling sorry for him, I guess, and the guy has the car in pretty good shape already. He's been blessed. I was just amazed he wasn't hurt. Once again I was glad I wasn't there. Would have been totally embarrassing...

Aren't They Cute?

Frank and Frieda (Before Haircuts)

Posted by Hello

Memory Lane Vol.1

Does anyone but me remember when Clairol Herbal Essence shampoo was green and smelled wonderful? What happened to it? I can't stand the way it smells now....

Do I Look Green?

Hubby: I'm so bored. I'm going home and taking a nap.
Me: ....
Hubby: Do you know where the fireplace remote is?
Me: Yes.
Hubby: Are you going to tell me?
Me: It's right on the shelf above the fireplace.
Hubby: Are you mad at me?
Me: ...

Puppy Chow

I love my puppies. They are cute, cuddly, and up until this week, I thought bright. Now I'm not so sure.

I've been trying to housebreak the pups. They don't do too badly, as long as they get let out regularly, including at noon when my son comes home. It just dawned on me the other day that son is going to be graduating from college this summer's end. Doh! (It really isn't such a stretch for me to forget this, seeing as he's been going to college for about 7 or 8 years.) At any rate, he will be moving out sometime after that and the pups won't be getting any visitors during the day. This became a problem for me to try and figure out a solution to. Ah ha! I got it! I'll litter-box train them! That is what daugher is going to do with her new puppy as they live in an apartment and it will be best.

So...I go last weekend and get all the supplies. I introduce my pups to the litterbox. They proceed to EAT the LITTER. Huh? I sprayed the "training aid" on it... the stuff that is supposed to make them think this is where to pee. I sprayed it again. They kept on eating. No. No. No. I removed the litter box. I make a trip to the famous pet store with all the solutions to all your problems. I spoke with a trainer person. Never heard of such a thing as the dogs eating the litter. Okay. This isn't good. We discussed things to do, including spraying litter with special "bitter deterrent" that is supposed to make dogs not eat, lick, or otherwise ingest whatever is sprayed.

Home, I spray litter with new special spray. I put the litterbox back in their pen. They start snacking down like I've brought them a new treat. NO! NO! NO! ICK!

Yes, for those of you who are asking... the puppy food bowl was full of yummie stuff. The 'treat' bones and snacks were in plain site and easy to go for. WTF? Why are they eating these rolled up recycled newspaper pellets that have been sprayed to smell like pee and/or are bitter tasting?

I've tried (per the trainer's suggestion) to put their own pee and poo in the box. I've tried the great "code word" (Potty - yea, original, I know) and placing them in the box. No go. They aren't eating the poo, or where it's been peed on, just the pellets.

Called daughter this morning. Told her not to buy a litterbox or litter for her new puppy yet. I have one she can have. Guess I'll just have to pen up the pups when I'm not going to make it home. Maybe they're aren't the brightest pups in the world... I'm crushed.

Rainman

Not to be confused with another Rainman. Uh... I know I asked for some rain...but it can stop for awhile. You can tell I'm a farmer's wife... never happy. It's either too wet, too dry, too cold, too hot... you get the drift. Well, it was too dry and now, well, now it won't stop raining! The sky is black and it's pouring, and looking at radar there is more coming. I'm just grumbling. It's okay. We aren't in any danger of flooding. It will put some water in our usually low creek that runs behind the house. It will be good. The crops will be happy and the flowers are loving it. So far, (knock-on-wood) we've not had the golf-ball to base-ball size hail that other areas have... and no tornadoes. Don't need those. I'll try to be the "half-full" person.

I lay in bed this morning agonizing whether to get up and go to work. I've been fighting a scratchy throat for what seems like weeks. It gets better, than worse, but never going into a full-blown cold or going completely away. I'm sick of being sick-ish. I really wanted to stay home. I'm really sitting here at work. Go figure.

Butterfly Effect

I was reading Joe (fantastic blog!) today when he was talking about chaos and other things. It got me thinking about how many times this has happened in my life.

The first one I can really remember is my Grandmother's death. My Grandmother lived in another town in Iowa about two hours away from my family. She came to visit us for a week and during the visit she was talking about how she'd gone to see my aunt at college in Missouri the week before. She'd arranged to meet my aunt at a specific time on campus. While she was waiting for my aunt to meet her, she ran into my uncle who was also going to school there but had no idea that his mother was going to be on campus that day. He'd had to go to the registration office to take care of some paperwork and it was totally unexpected. She then got to visit with her two younger children there, came to our house for a week and visited with us, then went home and the next week had a massive stroke and died. Strangely enough she'd gotten to speak in person with each one of her children and her grandchild before she died.

The other one that sticks in my mind is my husband. He's a few years older than I am, and I met him through a friend who was dating his brother, who is my age. I'd met his brother several times, and in a random "I'm hearing you but not listening" way, I'd heard things about his older brother, but it never stuck. Mainly because the younger brother is blond haired and blue eyed and that's really never been my "type". Okay, so I end up at a party in the middle of nowhere because another friend had a fight with her boyfriend (who was a friend of the younger brother).... keeping up? She was afraid he wouldn't talk to her at the party and she'd be left with no one to talk to but me - if I went. Feeling sorry for her, I went. As fate laughed loudly, she and her boyfriend made up immediately and I was the odd man out.

Now enters tall, dark and handsome. Who, could this be? None other that the older brother!?!?! WFT? He's supposed to be blond and blue-eyed! What is this handsome stranger? I was introduced, but as I am painfully (honest - it hurts) shy, I merely said "hi" and went across the room where I proceeded to casually sneak peeks at this hunk. I couldn't get over how much he looked like the guy of my dreams. Yes, honest-to-god sleeping dreams. I have them, in color, and usually remember them.

To my total shock and embarrassment, every time I snuck a peek at him standing across the room... he was staring at ME! OMG!

Fast forward the evening as I proceed to get terrible stomach cramps. (Heat wave, booze on top of a glass of milk right before I left home. Dumb, I know.) I'm sleeping in my friends' car waiting for them to wrap it up and take me home. Never talked to the guy again...

But wait! He was a brave soul and asked my friend about me. Got all the pertinant info and proceeded to ask me out (through my friend)... the rest, as they say, is history. 26 years and counting...

I love Fate! Butterflies... whatever....

I'm Singin' in the Rain~~~

It RAINED! Whoo hoo! Yippee! (I would do cartwheels but would damage some part of myself irrevocably and it wouldn't be pretty).

I'm still at work, so no jammie day, but at least the crops and flowers and trees are getting a much needed drink. I'm very pleased about that! More rain predicted for today.

Just watch stuff grow now!

What Have You Done With My Parents?!

In the "miracles of modern medicine" category, we present my father. I went to visit my parents today (this was my Mother's Day visit - finally). I was there for 3 hours and not ONCE did my dad yell at my mom, or get grouchy or pissy at her or me. This is bigger than you think. My dad can barely get five sentences out without getting grumpy at mom and yelling because she can't hear very well (neither can he) and he gets frustrated when she can't hear him and he has to repeat himself. This, I'm glad to report, didn't happen today. Oh...and he smiled. He actually smiled! This is a huge breakthrough. He's not seemed this well-adjusted since the house burned down. I realize that is a huge life crisis and everyone deserves to be a bit grouchy about it (I know I would be!), but to have it go on for months and make everyone around you miserable doesn't help. Especially when your partner of many years has been through the same exact thing and is having to not only deal with it, but with you.

The other thing that happened has me even more confused. It is not unusual for my mother to have things for me to fix when I see her. Usually it's the computer, but since it burned up in aforementioned fire, they've not replaced it yet. (They aren't as dependent on technology as I am..and I'm guessing you all are.) At any rate, I show up to find out the 5-CD player they have has a CD stuck in the back. How, you ask, does such a thing happen? Well, my mother was trying to fill said 5-CD player without turning the turntable. Yeah, you heard me. She was just reaching in the back (this is a smaller, portable thing) and dropping the CD's in. Plus, this changer doesn't have flat CD holders, but they angle. I'm just surprised she didn't get one stuck sooner! After taking the thing apart, fixing it, and then giving her instructions, we were good to go.

The next problem became my father's. He was sitting out on the back deck with a new gas grill, doing something to it. I asked mom what he was doing. Come to find out, the grill was assembled already, but he had to attach the side shelves. That sounds simple enough, huh? Mom said he'd been working at it an hour already. I go out an offer my assistance. First I realize that in the shelf there is a hole on each side for a screw to go through, plus a notch for the shelf to sit on a second screw. Dad has both screws already screwed in and can't figure out why he can't get this shelf to sit down over them. Uh, Dad... you can't melt metal. We have to take out a screw on each side that fits in the hole, before you put the shelf down over the notched one. No, he says.

Now, my "old" father would have gotten incredibly beligerent and huffed and puffed and basically told me to go back in the house. My "new" father (medically enhanced) just argued briefly (in a very polite tone) and let me take the screws out. Then, he admitted he didn't think he was going to have enough lock washers. He couldn't understand why they called for two on each screw. Reading directions, with my father, he reads out loud... "using two screw-bolts and two lock washers"... Uh, Dad... I believe they are saying ONE bolt and ONE washer on each side. I mean, you aren't putting two screws on a side with two washers! Logic is our friend.

10 minutes later, the grill is done.

I go back in the house. Mom is telling me how Dad wants a certain kind of window covering in their bedroom, but she wants something else. We discuss it a bit and she lets me know she's going to have a pro come out and give her ideas. I told them that the pro would probably bring samples, too. Dad comes into the conversation and Mom suggests I am there when the pro is. Dad agrees that is a great idea. This is weird.

Home, and Hubby and I are talking about all of this. He reminds me that Dad loved everything I did with our new house - to the point where they bought things for their new house that were the same. Lamps, paper towel holders, salt and pepper shakers, you-name-it. Bizarre things. Just the same. Hubby comments..."Isn't it interesting that when you were a kid you couldn't do anything right and now you can't do anything wrong?"...

I still think the aliens abducted my parents.

Monday, Monday

I want to go back to bed.

Oh, and for those of you keeping track... I did NOT get a jammie day on Saturday. <sigh>

Happy Mother

Yes, I'm a happy mother. I'm the proud mom of four grown kids... ages 29 to 23 ... and a 7-year-old grandson. I've got several "critters" and "grand-critters". Yeah, I'm weird. I count them, too. I'm really pleasantly surprised how everyone turned out. You go through those years of screaming at each other and thinking you'll never talk again, but you get past it and you all figure out that each of you has a point and you maybe are making some sense and maybe mom and dad aren't as dumb as they were when you were 14.

I went through a difficult childhood. My birthmother died from complications of polio when I was 3 and I was sent to live with my paternal grandparents. They were terrific, and when my grandmother passed in the 70's I felt as though I'd lost my mother all over again. I can't really remember my birthmother - except for one visit to the hospital where I remember seeing her in an iron lung.

My father re-married when I was 5, and my birthmother was never spoken of again. Weirdly enough, they made the Memorial Day trek to her grave, but it was just not spoken of. Ever. No pictures were ever shared with me... as a matter of fact, I never even saw a baby picture of myself until I was in my teens and snooped.

My stepmom adopted me - and I was roundly cuffed if I called her my "stepmother" to the kids at school. She was my "mother". Period. Okay, whatever.

My parents did the best they could, but as I got older they still looked and treated me as though I were 8 years old. My father even admitted that to my aunt once. They were so overprotective as to make me a prisoner of my own home. I was barely allowed out of the house. Lots of bitching and bickering took place in my home, too. My father has a definate anger management problem, and though not diagnosed "officially" I'm pretty sure both of them are alcoholics. Still.

At any rate, I went through some stuff that I swore I wasn't going to do to my kids. I tried. I ended up being verbally abusive, as my parents were... but instead of hitting the kids, I threw things around the room. Yeah, not good, I know.

When my oldest was in high school I had a nervous breakdown. I went into a deep depression and after about three months I figured out I'd been repressing lots of other bad things that happened to me when I was young that led into some bad behaviours as a teen and young adult. After facing these things I'd been putting in boxes and hiding from myself and others for years, I came to the conclusion I either had to confront my parents (who would be so deep in denial they would never admit to any of it) or just forgive. I ended up forgiving them.

I'm a much better person now.

I became the kind of person that could talk to my kids about anything and everything and they talk to me about anything and everything. We've grown up together and I think they've forgiven me for my bad behaviour, too. I really admire my kids for the kind of people they've grown into and I love them with all my heart. It really is Mother's Day every day. Hope you all can have that kind of relationship with your kids, too. It is a beautiful thing.

Mother Nature Has a Heart

It appears Mother Nature has taken pity on us poor mid-westerners. I have seen the forecast and it is good. We are to get into upper 70's today - and yesterday was beautiful. There is a chance of showers over the next few days, but hey...we can use the rain. Hubby is about done planting beans and it is beginning to look like the corn all survived the cold weather. I lost a few annuals I was foolish enough to put in so early, and I have some perennials that took a bit of a hit, but overall I think everything is going to make it. Whew!

I never used to be this weather -obsessed. To me a thunderstorm coming was just a chance to curl up in bed and feel cozy. That was before I became a farm wife.

I was raised in a large metropolitan area of the midwest where the only farm kid we had was the quiet guy that nobody knew. I was an idiot. When I got out into the countryside, I had the misconception that all that corn growing in the fields was sweet corn - the stuff we humans eat. DUH. I had no clue what a soybean was. A "block" in the country is a mile? Who knew! They're referred to as roads, not streets? Lanes, not driveways? Wow...

If someone would have told me 26+ years ago that I'd be married to a farmer, I'da thought you were crazy. Serves me right for going to a keg party out in the country with a friend who happened, as it was, to be dating my future hubby's brother. The rest, as they say, is history.

Now when I hear about a storm coming, depending of course on the time of year, I start worrying about hail damage to the crops. Flooding, draught, heatwaves, early frost, late frost, poor grain markets, government programs, itemized taxes, machinery payments, land payments, landlords from heaven, landlords from the other place... it all runs through my mind at the most inopportune times. Say, 3:42 a.m. <sigh> My life has never been the same.

Of course, it's not all bad. If it were, then we wouldn't be doing it. We wouldn't be happy that our youngest son has decided to do it. We'd be running as fast as we could for the employment office to find a nice, stable job with good benefits and a weekly paycheck. Okay, I do work "off farm". However, I've got a pretty good setup. I have flexible hours, although when we're really busy I do put the hours in. I work at a company that deals with farmers, so I've got some insight there. I do computer stuff that I love... and, since farming is like the #2 most dangerous job there is (yes, really)... I decided years ago that if anything happened to hubby I needed to have a backup plan. I wanted to keep my fingers in the computer stuff and keep current so if I did go to work full time all the time, I would be able to do it without starting at square one. This worked out perfectly. There are times it drives me nuts, such as when we are busiest at work and on the farm, but that's the price I pay. It's worth it.

Still and all, this is certainly a different life than I expected. I swore when I was a kid I was never getting married and never having kids. Thank God those things don't get written in stone. Here I am, on my second marriage (as I say, 26+ years and counting, so I think it's going to work out) and I have four beautiful, fun, creative children and a whole bunch of critters. I guess I can weather a storm or two...

Now, off to smell the lilacs and pick some rhubarb.

Spring Again?

After another bud-shattering cold night, I think the worst is over. We're supposed to get up in the upper 60's today and then by the 80's over the weekend. Weird weather... I'll probably have a few flowers I will have to replant or bury, but hopefully they'll mostly come out of it. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that Hubby's crops come out okay. That really IS the important stuff... mine's just pretty.

I did a little research on the i-net and think my shih tzu, Frank, must be a throwback to an English sheepdog. I found a puppy picture that looks JUST like him! OMG! Does this mean my little 10lb. puppy that is now 20lbs. at six months could end up being a 40lb.dog??? Oh, my! This could be an adventure!

Can't wait to get home from work and just sit in the sun. I don't think I have seasonal depression from not enough sun, but I just get grumpy sometimes when I go without for too long. Unfortunately, with the sun, warmth and outdoors, comes the BUGS. DAMN! I could do without them. That's the worst thing about our part of the country - it doesn't take much for the mosquitoes, gnats and flies to come out.

Yeah, I'm bitching. Hope I get back to a better mood one of these days... I think I still need a jammie day... SOON.

Puppy Love Part II

SIL caved! Oh, that's probably not the best way to put that. Uh... daughter and her hubby came to a mutual agreement. They're getting the puppy!! Whoo-hoo! I'm almost as excited as if we were having a new grandchild! In a way, we are!

I'm so tickled. This is such a cute pup. I've not seen that coloring before on a shih-tzu, so it will be fun. Unless things change, daughter says they're naming it "Lady Bug"... calling it "Bug". So cute. I'm so excited!

Friggin' Weather!

I'm losing my patience. It's supposed to be in the 20's tonight! My poor flowers! My hubby's poor crops! This is waaaay beyond fun, now. Grrrrr....

Puppy Love

Today I went to the breeder where I got my new puppies to look for a new puppy for my daughter, and for a guy I work with. We made a happy little group heading up the road. When we got there, they had the cutest little pups... I was in love. I held myself back, knowing I have my hands full as it is. I'd taken pictures of my "kids" to show the breeder - my little guy that was only supposed to be 10-12 lbs. who is already 20 lbs. at 6 months! ... and his sister who was to be 6-8 lbs. and is already 10 lbs. Well, the breeder was stunned. She couldn't figure out what happened there, because they are purebreds and are out of the same litter! The only thing she could figure is it was some recessive gene that came out in Frank. At any rate, I wouldn't give him up... even if he does turn into a "St.Bernard Shih Tzu".... !

Got an e-mail from the breeder this morning. After looking at the pictures more and discussing it with some other breeders, she feels really badly and is offering me a FREE puppy! OMG! Well, I certainly can't have another (says Hubby), but one of the restrictions for my daughter was the cost and if it's FREE... well.... I'm just waiting to see what SIL says. He claimed it was the money, but now we'll see if that's really the case or if he just used that as an excuse with her. Sure keeps interesting around here!