Thursday, September 30, 2004

Fading Fast

I think I've done pretty well today on such a small amount of sleep. Considering I'm NOT a morning person to start with, starting my morning so early just causes me to feel I'm now entering the "jammie zone"... the time of evening when all I want to do is put on my jammies and either climb into bed (preferably pre-heated) or lounge on my overstuffed sofa with something yummy to eat and beverage of choice.

Please do NOT call me. I have had waaaay too many phone calls today. You want your order NOW. I do not want to give it to you NOW. This does not put me in a good mood. If you want me in a good mood, tell me there is 'no rush'. That usually works. It means I will probably get it to you faster than you thought possible, but without the grouchy after-effects.

The telephone used to be my friend. Then I went to work at the institute of higher learning in our town. This is a reasonably large place and I was the first person that people spoke to when dialing the phone number listed in all publications, phone directories, and bathroom stalls. This meant I answered the phone at least 200 times a day. No longer is that true. After working in that position for almost a year, I was very glad to move up the food chain and no longer had to answer the phone. Ever.

Now have a totally different job but I still cringe when the phone rings. I pray that whoever is calling on our home phone will call me on my cell phone - I have caller ID on the cell that allows me to screen my calls and offer me the choice of letting them leave a voicemail or just ignoring them forever. DH doesn't understand why I want to let the answering machine pick up the phone at home and let me decide if I really want to talk to whoever is calling. He however, has a love/hate relationship with his cell phone. When it rings he invariably yells "fucking phone!" loudly, then proceeds to answer in a normal tone of voice. I ask him if he says that when I call and he says no. He's lying.

I don't have the option at work of ignoring the phone or yelling obscene things at it. I am, however, last person to have to answer. When everyone else is out of the office, then I must answer. Or, of course, if the call is for me. Today most calls have been for me. I resigned myself about an hour ago to staying the full day. If I'm going to be tired, by God I'm going to be REALLY tired and if that means staying here until 5 answering the fucking phone, then I'll do it.

It's supposed to storm tomorrow. Rain, wind, cold. Maybe I'll get to sleep in. I'll put that in my happy thoughts and listen to the forecast later tonight. I just may not be able to stay awake for the big debate tonight... oh, well...


Whine Whine Whine

I admit it. I'm a whiner. I never used to be, but in my older age I'm finding whining to be a perfectly acceptable pastime. When you are older everyone expects you to whine. I whine when I'm too cold. I whine when I'm hungry. I whine when I'm tired. I whine when I can't think of anything to do except whine. Oh. Guess that's redundant, huh? Right now I'm tired. I have every expectation of being further exhausted before I finally get to put my head on the pillow tonight. Part of it is this time of year (harvest), part of it is the full moon, some of it comes from waking up at 3 a.m. for no reason and being awake like it is the first day of school. Again, no real reason. I have nothing exciting happening in my life right now. I just opened my eyes and was UP. I'm anticipating being hungry in a short time. Then maybe I can find something else to whine about.

We Have Connected!

Yippee! We have an i-net connection today. It's FIXED! Whoo-hoo! No filing for meee... <doing happy dance>...

Tinfoil

Today we will begin the continuing saga of tinfoil. From time to time (about once a month) we will revisit the ever annoying properties of the full moon on the human body. Specifically mine. This may not be as facinating as it first appears.

I seem to be moon-sensitive. Perhaps this can be attributed to more water on the brain? I know the moon can influence the tides in the ocean, so perhaps it's a mere physical sloshing in my head that creates strange dreams and odd wakeful periods in the night. Ask any emergency room personnel and they'll confirm the increase in activity during a full moon. I'm not talking urban legend here, I'm talking to friends and family! It really does happen, right here in mid-America.

For as long as I can remember, it seems the full moon has been a harbinger of strange dreams. I have more remembered dreams than the 'normal' person as it is, and yes, I usually do dream in color. It doesn't seem to be a factor if I can actually see the moon at the time of fullness. I've had issues when the weather has been overcast or when I had perfectly good, thick, moon-proof blinds. (Those of you who are faithful readers know that we are now living in a new house without such protection. Okay, yes, I did purchase blinds, but I didn't say I had gotten them installed yet, right?) My DH likes to add his two-cents-worth in reminding me that 'the full moon is full all the time - you just can't see it'. Uh huh. Tell that to the brain.

As it is, I am once more wide-awake at 3 a.m. dreading the 6 a.m. alarm knowing tomorrow is going to be a shitty day because I'm going to be so damn tired. Yes, I hear you whispering "you should have stayed in bed" but I know myself and to be in bed right now would be a toss-fest and I'm just not up to that. Oh. Bad pun.

So I rise up out of my oh-so-comfortable (yes, I think I finally got the 'number' right) and warm bed and slink down to the family room so not to wake DH. I bring books and trail cats and find my laptop all plugged in and begging for some attention. I can't resist a little blogging. Maybe talking to you is just the warm-milk placebo I needed.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

There's a Fly In My Soup

From time to time I am going to vent in this blog. If you don't like violence, bad language and are not allowed into PG-14 movies, leave now. I mean it. Go away. I'm pissed.

As I've previously announced, I'm an only child. This is a curse and a blessing. More often a blessing. I wonder aloud many times what I have done giving my children siblings. Will they grow up and hate each other? So far I've not seen that side of things. They may have shown signs of wanting to kill each other when they were young, but they have seemed to grow out of it and at this point in time are getting along. Rather well, if I do say so myself. I am just the mom, tho', so it's possible they are holding long-term grudges that I will know nothing about until I'm long cold in the grave.

This brings me to my brother-in-law and his family. Part of me wouldn't be so bitter toward his parenting skills except when our children where young and he and his wife had none, they were always quick to judge our children. Quick to jump in with a scolding or to scowl when a misbehaving two-year-old had to be taken outside the restaurant and allowed to walk off some of that energy. Now they are the perfect parents. Ask them. They'll tell you.

I have many stories to prove my theory that their two boys are the spawn of the devil, but today we'll just regale you with one such story.

First you must know the background. My DH is a farmer. He's been a farmer his whole life - without a choice. He was drafted into military service back when there was still a draft, and before he went in he helped on his familys' farm, and when he returned after serving his four years there was never any question that he would be helping on the farm again. It wasn't even brought up - it was expected. He is the oldest of three children and his sister, although just a couple of years younger, was treated very differently. That's a whole 'nother story.

His brother, six years junior, was far enough behind in age that he really never got into the whole farm thing growing up. By the time he was old enough to help, DH was back on the scene and between him and his father they had it covered. Fast forward to about 10 years ago when FIL passed away. DH took over the farm operation and proceeded to do pretty well with it. MIL often talks about how BIL never got the chance to farm. BIL is living in la-la land. He thinks farming is coming out to work at 8:30 in the morning and leaving at 1:00 to 'pick up the boys'. Or do this or that. There is always something. His wife is a great list maker and runs the family with an iron fist. He is a bit of a pussy and just lets her order him around. (I never have, nor will I ever make what is commonly known in these parts as a 'Honey-Do' list.)

BIL has two boys that are now 8 and 14. They are indescribable (is that a word?).

BIL has been pushing the oldest one toward farming since he was born. Buys him toy farm equipment at every chance, lets him do things way younger than is smart or safe. Sees our kids doing that stuff and figures if they can do it, then his kids can. He forgets his kids are 7 years younger than our youngest! Plus, our kids were raised around this stuff and taught from an early age to fear that equipment and to respect it. His kids just act like coming to the farm is going to Disneyland - without the parental supervision. You have to understand. My BIL thinks he is paying attention to what he's doing and to his kids. He hasn't a clue.

A couple of weeks ago the older boy called up DH and proceeded to tell him he is in FFA (Future Farmers of America to you city-folk) and they have a project to work for a farmer. DH says 'no', as he can't drive, didn't want to have to pay him, and really didn't want him around to have to keep an eye on him when there is nothing for him to do. Wouldn't trust him to run any equipment, etc. You get the picture.

Today. BIL was off work from his 'real' job and came out to help DH combine corn. The boys' school got out at 1:00. Older boy was at home watching his little brother. He supposedly found out that BIL was in the field and got so mad that he had a hissy fit and threw a hammer through the garage door (which prompted SIL to get off work and take him out to the field where...duh...he wanted to be in the first place). He then was allowed, by BIL, to hang out until about 3:30 when BIL had to go home because "No.2 son is home by himself". HUH? So, the way I understand it, Boy throws a temper tantrum and gets rewarded by a.)getting out of the reponsibility of watching his brother b.) getting to go to the farm just as he wanted to c.) causing Dad to leave work early to go home and do the job he was supposed to do. DH made some comment to BIL about it and was told "Boy's in trouble now!" Ooookkkaaaayyy... if you say so.

Family. Gotta love em. I mean, you really have to. It's written somewhere.

We'll Get Back to You

I hate that phrase. Especially when it is coming from someone at tech support. My tech support. My internet provider.

I have spent all day in an internet-free zone. This means I cannot e-mail friends and family. I cannot blog. I cannot peruse newsworthy items or check what the weather is doing. Shut up. I don't want to look out the window! Oh, and did I mention I can't do my job? Arrrggghh!

So, instead of merrily tapping away on my computer I was stuck in the hell that is known as filing paperwork. Did I mention I hate paperwork? Did I perhaps mention I hate filing? Not just the act of putting paperwork into a file folder, but the necessary evil of having to a.) write on said folder and b.) write several big words onto little 1/2" scraps of paper known as a tab or label in some type of legible way. Did I mention I hate filing?

Besides the pain it is to have to sing the alphabet song to myself several times in a minute, it is also physically a pain. All the letters of the alphabet can't be within reach, so you have to hop to your feet (I don't hop well anymore) to get to the letters that are just out of reach when you are sitting at the file table. Not only do you have to get up to actually file the document, but you have to check to see if there is a file already made, then, if it isn't, you sit down once more to make this file and once again have to get up to put the freshly-made file in place. I don't know how those file clerks do it. Oh. Yeah. They're young and nimble. I haven't been nimble now for at least 10 years. Let me re-think that. I was never nimble.

I hope that tech support person that was to 'get back to me' will get this problem figured out for tomorrow. I really don't want to file another day.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Strange Little Girl

I was a strange little girl, and now I'm a strange woman. When I was little I did things to amuse myself whenever I could. As an only child I had a wealth of imagination that seemed to go on and on. I had a dog, a beagle, that was my best friend. I would have to walk my dog for 30 minutes a day. This seemed like a very long time to me, as a child. Now it goes by in a flash. Then I would hate walking very far and I was lucky enough to have an empty lot at the end of the block that my dog and I would explore. I found wild raspberries and mulberries on one such adventure, and would wander around trying not to get lost in the trees.

Once I found a squirrel that had recently been hit by a car. It was dead, but was either fresh enough that it was flexible, or old enough that it was flexible. At any rate, it didn't smell bad yet and was soft and furry with no sign of violence. I kept it for a couple of days hidden in the empty lot, but eventually it became rather ...uh...stinky... and became host to all those lovely critters Grissom is so fond of on CSI.

When we moved to a larger town I was blessed to find another empty lot not too far from our home. It wasn't quite as secluded and had only one good-sized tree in the middle. I found it to be a good climbing tree and enjoyed viewing my neighborhood from its leafy branches. It was a month or so later and it became winter and I'd found some cardboard left on the lot. I managed to sneak some matches out of the house (my parents had a huge jar where they collected matchbooks from everywhere) and I would make little tinder fires under the branches of the tree inside my cardboard 'fort'. One evening after I'd returned home I heard the sirens of a fire truck race to the end of my block and I was terrified that I hadn't gotten my little fire put out and it had spread to engulf the neighboring houses. I swallowed my tongue trying to get enough spit into my mouth to counteract this fear, but went to bed shivering - sure in my heart that there would be a knock on the door from a detective holding the matchbook I'd left and telling my parents that my fingerprints had been found and the neighbors identified me as the strange little girl they'd seen hanging around the vacant lot.

I never did find out what happened, and never walk my dog that way again.

Connections

I started reading a blog quite by accident. I think it was a link from someone elses blog that linked from even another blog. I first found it amusing, then, as I continued to read it I found I was hooked. Partially by the fact that this person grew up in my hometown. If not my hometown, at least my state. Iowa. CW never actually tells us where in Iowa he grew up, or which state university he went to school, but in reading his blog posts I found clues. A dropped note here or there (his wife lived in the Towers), etc. I could be wrong, but if I am it's enough of a similarity to make me believe he was from here.

It made me take another look at where I'm from. Unlike CW, who moved to several states and now appears to reside in Atlanta, Georgia, I have stayed in my little community. I lived in some tiny towns growing up, but my folks kept going back to the 'big city' of Des Moines. Couldn't stay away.

I was raised a 'town kid'. Oh, my family went camping out to the woods in the state parks - even going to Colorado and Wyoming and Kentucky. But that wasn't my life. I enjoyed it, but I lived in the Great Suburbia. I remember when I was in high school they even came out with a book called "Suburbia"and we studied it in Humanities class. My school was really on the cutting edge even to have a class called Humanities. We studied things like the song lyrics to Simon and Garfunkel albums and why we all wear masks.

As a young divorced woman with two children, I found myself in love with and married to a wonderful man. Someday I'll tell you that story! The point being, I now live in the country surrounded by corn and soybean fields that create our livelihood. I am on a perpetual camping trip through life. A pretty cushy one, I admit, but nonetheless it's been pretty cool. And, I'm living in this mid-sized college town where my DH has lived his entire life and where I have made my home now for over twenty-five years. We've raised our children here, and two of them have actually graduated or will graduate from this university - as well as my SIL2B has graduated from there and my SIL is planning on returning to finish his degree, too.

The stories I've been reading of CW's life experiences in Iowa have led me to have a different perspective on this part of the country. It's interesting to see how someone else views "the Beast" (his term for the Iowa winter). I enjoy reading of his college escapades and drunken adventures - most of which seem to re-occur from time to time in his 'old age'. I never made it to college as a student, but worked on the college campus for several years - actually admitting those poor confused freshmen into the life. I may have never been to one of his parties on the frat house lawn, but I've walked and driven past them many a warm summer night with the windows open and the music and laughter rolling out over the cars.

I find a rather strange bond with someone who has shared my town and some of my experiences. I find it heartwarming that as much as he loves his adopted city, he still seems to have good thoughts of family, friends, and memories still based here. I want to be young and share some of those experiences again. I guess I'll just have to connect from time to time as I read his blog and try and remember my own experiences here to share.

Get Out the Tinfoil

I'm a bit odd when it comes to the full moon. DH says it's always full, you just can't always see it's always full. Man-logic. Gotta love it. He teases me about wrapping tinfoil around my head (no, I don't do that) and pretends he doesn't notice how bright it is outside.

Yes, I did say I got blinds for the bedroom. However, I haven't gotten them installed yet. This is a no-brainer. There is not enough hours in the day right now do add another extra thing. As it was, I didn't get home until 8 last night!

Woke up at 3 o'clock. A.M. Thinking it was dawn, it was so bright in our bedroom! Looked at the clock and did a double-take. Lay back down and let the breeze lull me back to sleep - about 5:30. What!?!? What is that horrific noise? Oh, shit. I set the alarm clock this morning so I wouldn't oversleep.

Off to the mine...

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Earplugs Anyone?

He's still at it. I don't think they even took a lunch break.

I baked a bunch of cookies for my man. I vacuumed like a fiend. DD and SIL2B went hiking (no, not in our timber for obvious reasons) then went to the old house and moved the dog kennel to a better place. Would be nice if the kennel would get done at the new house, but SIL1 threw his back out last week at work and is now out of commission for awhile. <sigh> I really do want to get my dog moved soon. Oh, I played ms-fix-it, too, and fixed the drawer that's been broken (yes, I did say new house) for a week. Screw pulled out in the back and evidently this is a task for someone with small fingers? Go figure.

Took a brief survey of the screens and windows today and determined that they aren't doing the job. Sometime in the past week when I wasn't around, the window in the garage that was broken when we moved in got replaced. That's the good news. The bad news is I'm finding out the slider screens have bug-sized gaps in them, as well as some of the actual window screens. Somewhere the bugs are able to get in between the screen and the window. When the window is shut, this isn't a critical issue - but, now it's cooled off and I want to shut off the a.c. and open up the windows and voila! there are bugs inside the screens. Somehow they got there, and somehow they shouldn't be able to. I mean, what is a screen for, right?? Guess I'm going to have to make a nasty phone call to the contractor and try and figure out what's going on. I'm dreading that.

Made spaghetti for supper, but I wasn't hungry and DD is on the low-carb diet, so no pasta for her. DH and SIL2B enjoyed, however.

Hope the jackass next door gets a really sore arm.

Bears in the Woods

Okay. I've about had it. I'm all for nature and freedom and personal space and all that good stuff, but do I HAVE to listen to the jackass next door shoot his gun all afternoon long??? Granted, it is 1/2 mile away, but still... it sounds like it's right outside my door. Boom! Boom! BOOM! Over and over. He's got a whole mess of friends (I assume they're friends) standing out in the yard shooting skeet and it's aimed my way. DH is combining the field just to the south of JA house, and our property line goes pretty darn close to theirs in the woods - if he'd think about it, I may be out in the woods walking. Does he call and ask? Nooooo... I asked DH if JA was shooting at him in the combine or me in the house! He said the last time they did this (remember labor day?) they were shooting toward the timber - our house direction. Grrrrr. I'm NOT happy about this.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

...and the winner IS

DS WON! YIPPEE! What a surprise! He's so tickeled... wasn't the biggest purse of the year, but it all helps. He was so happy and DH, MIL, DD and her fiance were all there to see it. Congrats, Son!

Running Wild

What a crazy day! I've been my own human whirlwind today!

Up early (a feat in itself - ask anyone!) and attacking the morning. DH and DS are still in the field, so I was good wife/mother and packed their lunches. I dusted, put in some laundry, and made a beeline for town where I proceeded to go crazy. I got groceries. I looked for fabric to make curtains for the livingroom, but after seeing the $25/yd prices I passed. I went to Lowe's and bought some curtains and a rod and some blinds to put up in my bedroom (to block the 'moon menace'). Also ordered some vertical blinds for the family room. Exactly the same ones I'd tried to get through Penney's, only about $1000 cheaper... even with them coming out to install. Such a deal!

Then I noticed Earl May was having a sale on trees - free planting. Couldn't resist. I figure they're going to have one helluva time digging into that rock-hard earth to plant them, but better them than me. Also, if they die they can come out and re-do them! Such a deal! I got four! I managed to pick up a couple of pumpkins at 99-cents each, too. So cute on the front step.

Home, and I found out DS had already left for the races. DH, DD, and soon-to-be SIL all were getting ready to go. I stayed home (as usual) and baked coffee cake for breakfast tomorrow. Washed the deck, too, and fed the critters. The birds haven't been around much lately - don't know if they've already left for the winter, or what. The feeders have been full. I'm confused...

A quiet night will be had~ Hooray! I'm exhausted.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Picture Perfect

I've got a new toy...uh...tool. After several months of being frustrated with my cell phone going dead after about one or two short phone calls, I invested in a new phone. A new camera phone. Do I need this feature? No. Do I like this feature? I'll soon find out. I also got suckered into the web connection. Oooooo... this I could like. A lot. Of course, I'm cheap and got the fewest connect minutes I could. That's okay, since the people I usually call are my family and they're all on the same company which promises me these phone calls will be FREE. I just know that I've been told this particular phone will go for two-and-a-half-DAYS without a charge. I'm expecting big things here. I always charge up daily, but just the fact that it should go that long without needing the charge should logically mean it will last a looooong time.

There is nothing so frustrating as calling tech support, listening to Muzak(in itself a BAD thing), then just when the human answers the phone dies. ARRRGGGHHH! Yes, this happened to me not two nights ago. Thank God another phone was near at hand and I was quickly connected (no Muzak this time!) and had the problem resolved quickly. Now, should the same problem rear its ugly head, I will be able to not only to wait forever (or at least two-and-a-half-days), but will be able to take pictures of the problem to entertain myself.

I have to go now. My phone is ringing.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Best Laid Plans

Isn't there some saying about 'best laid plans of mice and men...'? Yes, it rained. No, I didn't get a nap. I had every intention of having a nap. I thought long and hard about a nap. I left work at noon to go home and take a nap. I was foiled.

I made a phone call. Never, ever, ever, ever call your spouse to let them know you are going home to take a nap. I won't happen. I promise. I called and was asked nicely if I wanted to go to lunch. DH and DS were working in the field and DS's girlfriend thoughtfully took him some lunch, but not DH. Fine. I usually pack lunches and send them in the morning, but this morning I didn't since there was rain likely and DH said they'd fend for themselves. Suddenly, his fending for himself is becoming my problem.

This is do-able. I can go have lunch, then go home and nap. All afternoon. Rain pitty-pattying on the roof. Heaven.

Lunch. DH asks me sweetly if I'd like to ride 90 miles to neighboring town to deliver a load of soybeans. I'm a sucker for DH asking sweetly. I say yes. It's not the greatest environment, but it does lock us in close proximity for a lengthy amount of time with few interruptions (occasionally his cell phone will ring) and we are able to have some of our more intelligent conversations on these trips. It's a bonding thing.

On the way home I decide I'm getting a second wind and really should go look into getting a new cell phone. Mine has been getting worse and worse about holding a charge and there is nothing (almost nothing) as bad as having it go dead in the middle of critical conversations (like talking to tech support about a computer problem). I express to DH my plans and he tells me that DS has been complaining about his, too, so looks like this is turning into a family affair.

Home. 5 o'clock. Shoulda worked. No nap today! Sun is out again anyway - it no longer feels like a nap day. Maybe tomorrow..?

Shoulda Been a Cat

I'm sleep deprived. Again. I think the culprit has been identified as a large Snickers bar. DH had one at suppertime last night (he loves them dearly) and like clockwork, he was wide awake at midnight. This, to anyone who knows DH and myself, knows it means I'm awake. DH can't be awake alone. He thinks he's being quiet or "trying not to bother" me - but I am a light sleeper and when someone starts to either rub my (insert any bodypart) or talk to me, I wake up. WIDE awake.

Now the lights are on and we're watching TV.

It's 2:00 a.m. and the TV is off, the lights are off, DH is snoring, and I'm still awake.

2:30 a.m. and DH has stopped snoring, the lights and TV are still off, but I'm still tossing and turning.

3:00 a.m. and I'm counting the trains. Are you starting to see a pattern here?

6:00 a.m. DD has just come to close our bedroom door so she can make breakfast for herself without waking us. I'm awake.

9:00 a.m. I've been at work for a couple of hours and I feel like I'm in the Matrix during a fight scene. Super slo-mo and thick and having a hard time keeping up with myself. A nap is sounding really good. It's supposed to rain today, so maybe I'll be able to sneak off work early and slip home to bond with my bed. C'mon rain!

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Drama

I'm a sucker for drama. Give me lines that touch the soul... or not... and I eat it up. I'm thinking today about television. I'm not a fan of sit-coms. Sure, there are a few out there worth mentioning: Will and Grace, Dead Like Me, Scrubs, Will and Grace, Dead Like Me. Okay, not that many.

I do love the crime and mystery genre, tho'. This is turning out to be a good season for me. CSI is venturing into New York. (Can CSI:Chicago be far?... how about CSI:Minneapolis?) The stand-by original CSI is still going strong and CSI:Miami has already killed off someone who was not the one I expected. I wasn't thinking that the "cool, good-looking guy" would get it. Must be going into movies or something? Hmmm... Will watch for that. YD and I are facinated by the various colors they make the different CSI's. It's like it's own version of the theme - like the different "Who" songs for each one. Vegas seems rather neon (and dark) and rather green - I'm always wondering why they work in such poor lighting conditions. Then I remembered they work on the night shift. Maybe I'm not cut out for this clue-figuring out after all. <rolling eyes> Miami seems all yellows and brightness. Sunlight and sunglasses. Now N.Y. is appearing as gloomy and gray and blues and rather fuzzy. I was enjoying the Miami show that took David Caruso to N.Y. and introduced us to the new team. I'm watching the camera switch back and forth between Caruso and Gary Sinease (sp?) and and when it's on Gary I'm seeing what appears to be a smoke-filled gray room with barely any light coming in, and when they switch to Caruso suddenly he's warm and yellow and standing in the sun. Huh.

I'm always a sucker for BBC Mystery Monday, too... tamer than the U.S. shows, yet I love the accent. You can tell me anything in a british accent and I'll believe you.Robson Greene isn't the most attractive man around, but he can act. So can a few others I see on those British shows. I like the books that some of these shows are based on, so that may be part of the attraction.

Still a lifer for Law and Order. All of them. Over and over I can watch these. Part of the fun is getting to see some actor play, say, a killer one week and a year later see them play a lawyer. My favorite was when they made the Lieutenant a drugged-out mom in about the second or third year, then she came on as TA-DA the Lieutenant. Perfect.

I was a fan of medical shows for many years, faithfully following E.R. (who can forget George Clooney on E.R.????<drool>) Then they lost me. I can't even figure out when exactly they lost me, but it just doesn't make my heart leap from my chest when I hear E.R. is on tonight. I've watched the new Medical Investigations. It's okay, but I get irritated with the pretty unrealistic portrayals. I mean, if you've got something killing people and you don't know if it's airborn, or from touching, or whatever, do you walk in the room without a shred of protective gear except that cute little doctor coat? I mean, puleeze! At least lets see some gloves and a mask! DUH!

Okay, that's the rant for today. I'm sure there are some other shows I've not mentioned that will be brought up from time to time. Feel free to tell me your favorites and why you love them. I'm always open to suggestions.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Is It Monday Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Soooo busy at work today.It's been sooooo sloooooow for so long. I'm used to it. I'm not ready for this. Can the "big rush" really be here? Already? I need another week or so. I need another 'jammie day'. Now.

Up at the "butt-crack" of dawn (as DH is fond of saying). Made lunches for DH and YS to take to the field. Harvest is resuming. Stuff is ready. Now. I want to go back to bed in the worst way...!

Grocery list keeps growing as I try and think of all the tasty 'field food' I need to come up with over the next few weeks. Has to be good, probably hot, portable, un-messy. I'm coming up blank. My head hurts. Why did I take a jammie day yesterday? I should have been a grownup. I'm paying for it now. Ugh.

Phone is ringing off the hook. Not for me since about 10 o'clock, thank goodness. I've been able to get something accomplished. Of course, I don't feel like anything has been accomplished, but as long as the boss thinks so I'm fine.

Suppose I'd better get back to it...the sooner I get my work done, the sooner I can get back to jammie night...

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Jammie Day!

Yippee!!! It's Jammie Day!!!

Jammie day in my house means you hang out all day in your jammies, eat everything in sight, watch movies (or, in our case, the whole third season of "CSI" on DVD), don't answer the phone, door, or e-mail, and basically VEG all day long! You forget about cleaning, laundry, cooking, showering*, all responsibility and become a person of leisure for the day.

Try it sometime... it's fun!

*This is optional and is usually requested by other participants of jammie day before the day is over.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Adventures in Shopping

Had so much fun today! BOTH of my daughters and I went shopping today - all day!

We were originally just going bridesmaid shopping, but it ended up being extended. We started at the bridal shop where my older daughter who is the bridesmaid tried on oooodles of dresses. We got it narrowed down to liking one dress, but it didn't come in the right color. Arrrggghhh! Will have some more searching to do. This took us past noon.

Stopped in town at a home decorating shop where I picked up a few things for the house, then on to the big city for lunch. After lunch we went to the mall where we all proceeded to get way too much makeup at MAC (love their stuff, tho'!) and way too much 'other stuff' at Victoria's Secret. Walked off lunch in the mall...

Back home where we proceeded to drop off the things we purchased, switched vehicles, took care of the critters, and went back into town to rent movies and have supper. All in all a fun day - younger daughter and I are planning on having 'jammie day' tomorrow! Tried to get elder daughter to come join in, but she's got company coming. Poor thing.

Youngest boy raced last night and tonight. Didn't qualify last night, but did tonight and came in 6th! Good for him!! Sound asleep when DH came home...

Hair Update

After carefully washing, conditioning, drying and curling with my curling iron. I am pleased to say I no longer look like my mother. Will need a good go-round with the gods of haircolor before I go back to work Monday, however, or I will scare the co-workers silly.

Question of the Millenium: Why can't my hairdresser ever make my hair look like it is supposed to look when I imagine the end result in my mind?

Oh, well. I have a good hairdresser, she just seems to have a finishing problem. Does great with all she does except the final 'fussing' she does before I walk out the door. Sorry - I meant to say run out the door with my dark glasses on and my paper bag held up in front of my face so no one recognizes me before I can DO something with this hair I have just paid a fortune to have look like this. <sigh>

Friday, September 17, 2004

Hair Part Deux

Oh, God. I'm my MOTHER.

Farscape?

I start watching this about a year ago. I'm not sure what hooked me at first, because I'm not usually into puppets and I'm just on the edge of sci-fi. At any rate, something hooked me and I watched it all. Then it was cancelled! Why? Why does that always happen to me? Sometimes they cancel my current favorite show mid-season without ever resolving the story! I am realistic enough to know that the "4400" probably won't tell all 4400 stories of the returned disappeared people, but to cut it off when they've only told 7? Are they coming back? For many, many years? Doubt it. The reason I'm saying this, is I heard a rumor that Farscape was coming back. I, for one, stepped out of my anonymous "comfort zone" last year and went online to join my voice with the rest of the protestors of this cancellation. Never truly expecting there would be something come of it, I was surprised - no, shocked! - to find out it may be coming back. BUT - do I dare to show too much enthusiasm? Does the rumor say it is only four episodes? What the...? Does anyone know what's going on?

Bad Hair Bad Bad Bad

Anyone who knows me knows I get frustrated with my hair. Always have, always will. I can only go so long before I have to DO something to it. Usually involving scissors. Sometimes chemicals. I have two aunts - one on my mother's side and one on my father's side - who went prematurely white headed when they were in their twenties. Beginning my life as a brunette, I came down with a very distinct and unattractive 'skunk' chunk when I was in my twenties. My hair, although there is a goodly amount of it, is very fine. A hairdresser once referred to it as "frog hair" in front of my daughter and she throws that one up in my face every chance she gets. The end result of all this hairidity (it's a PUN, people!) is that I a.) color my hair and b.) perm my hair and c.) only tolerate it until either a. or b. have run their course, then I resort to d.) scissors. Since my darling daughter is getting married next spring and my hair isn't prone to growing quickly, I've been threatened not to resort to d. This has caused a problem. I already did it. <sigh> Now we fast forward to this afternoon when I will be going to my faithful hairdresser to see if she can rescue the 'do'. I will be putting myself in her capable hands once more to return me to some form of myself that DH will be pleased with. (He is never ever pleased when afore mentioned scissors come out). Say a prayer...

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Down In The Dumps

It's been a helluva week. I say that conservatively. After being ever-so-tired for several days, I finally succumbed to the dreaded sickness. Not really a defined illness, such as influenza, the common cold, the heartbreak of psoriasis (you get the picture). Just the all encompassing 'sick'.

I even woke up yesterday with a fever. An honest-to-god fever. No longer is this all in my head! Yippee! ...or, maybe it's just become mind over matter.

Depending on how you look at it, being sick isn't any fun.I know I shouldn't complain about small bouts of fever, lue, headaches, when there are people all over the world with real and debilitating illness. Who am I to complain about petty aches and pains?

Part of it comes from my own guilt in the process. Yes, guilt. I don't take care of myself. Therefore, I feel I usually am bringing this down on my own head.

Diagnosed several years ago with diabetes (type II), I have had a constant struggle between being "good" and total denial.

For awhile I took the medicines, checked my blood sugar, did everything right. Nothing changed except I became depressed. I then went through a phase where I took the meds, but went back to blissful ignorance when it came to what my readings were or what I ate. I just didn't care.

About three years ago I decided I was tired of being tired, tired of living in denial. Went to my doctor and confessed my sins. Got all fixed up with new meds, a new diatician, had a full checkup, pap, mammogram, you-name-it-I-did-it. Lost about 50 lbs. and was feeling pretty good.

Then came Acapulco. You have to understand something about me. My parents, for all intents and purposes, are alcoholics. This means I rarely drink. However, I'm a Pepsi addict. No lo-cal version, but the 100% chock-full-o-sugar variety. I'd given it up for about two years while my "being good" phase was on, but when my DH and I went to Acapulco for 10 days, that was my Big Lapse.

Flash forward three months after the trip. I'm still on meds, but running out. I have to face my doctor to get more. I'm still consuming Pepsi at an alarming rate. I'm not checking my blood sugar - I know it's high. I'm fucked.

Skip doctor appointment. Look at i-net to see if I can buy meds online. Not even in Canada without a perscription. I'm stumped. How do all the junkies do it? I can't even get legitamate meds that I need! Wishing I'd taken my chances in Mexico and gotten stocked up. Stupid.

It's been over a year since the trip. I take no drugs, I don't check my sugars, I eat and drink without checking a single label. I'm still fucked.

I know I could go blind, have a stroke, need limbs amputated. I know these things and they frighten me... and yet... I am like that junkie, craving the sugar high.

Denial + depression = making myself sick

Need to get it together one of these days before it's too late.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Manic Monday

Okay, so I know I'm supposed to be the good wife and all, but when DH gets up at 3 a.m. do I have to wake up, too? He's not sleeping - he's started combining beans and is stirring around trying to figure out what he's going to do with them. He's thinking and worrying and somehow thinks I must be up thinking and worrying, too. I know he's not intentionally trying to drive me crazy (is he?) but it is. I toss and turn, listening to him muddling around the kitchen. Then I read a bit only to have him slip out onto the back deck and tap on the bedroom slider and make faces at me. <sigh> So, I finally drift back to sleep for a half an hour before my day must begin. Arrrggghhh!

Now it is almost noon and I get a pathetic phone call... "Are you going to be busy at noon?" Uh, well, I AM working. "Could you have someone bring me some lunch?" Who? The tooth fairy? Who but me would be available to take you lunch? Hmmm... Maybe he thinks I was cloned overnight. "I'm not paying anyone to help me, you know." This is his way of letting me know that if I leave my job (therefore eliminating an hour or so off MY paycheck) it isn't costing him anything. Man logic. I love it. The whiney voice gets me. Yes, I'll leave work and go home and make him lunch (he's not thrilled with fast food) and deliver it to the field. Not like he wasn't up early enough this morning to make some lunch to take with him. Novel concept.

Maybe after I take him lunch I can sneak in a nap...

Friday, September 10, 2004

Pet Peeve

So, DH calls on my cell phone at work to ask me if we received a check in the mail that should have come several months ago knowing FULL WELL that I do NOT have a photographic memory, nor am I good with numbers, and that the computer program that will tell me if, in fact, this payment has been received is NOT HERE AT WORK, but HOME where I will not be for several hours yet. * This, of course, leaves me sitting here to stew in a bath of powerlessness and meaningless anger toward someone I really DO love with all my heart. Why, oh why does he do this to me?

*This is not a one-time thing

Getting With the Program

Some days I feel I'm being rather productive. This is not one of them. I tell myself I should be applying myself to the work at hand. The work at hand is not exciting. I tell myself I am being paid for doing this work. I am not motivated. I never used to be this way. I have a very strong work ethic and have never been one to shirk responsiblity. I am the one who shows up on time, loses no time in the break room visiting or drinking coffee (I'm not a coffee drinker anyway - love the smell, hate the taste). I work through lunch - having it at my desk while working - and leave no earlier than my full work day. I'm slipping.

Part of my reluctance to work is I know there are so many other things I could be doing that I'm sure would be way more fun. Don't get me wrong, I like my job. I like the people I work with (fun). I like the work environment (casual). BUT the work that sits on my desk mocks me with boredom. It is not fun. It is not even the kind of work that will keep me busy for more than an hour or so. I've been dragging it out for a week in the hope that soon there will be mounds of new work coming in that will keep my mind and fingers occupied. Stupid work. Why can't I win the lottery?

It's Not Fair

Okay, so I'm airing out some frustrations here. I think there should be a lottery winner in MY state. There has NEVER been a lottery winner in my state! Oh, sure, piddlesome little $100,000 winners, but that doesn't count. I'm talking the BIG money. I figure not only should it be someone from my state, but it could really be me. I know the clerks where I purchase said tickets are probably really tired of me saying, "One powerball ticket - oh, and make it a winner, please". Tough. Just once it would be nice if that did the trick. I'd probably share SOMETHING with them. I'm not dumb. I know they have no control over the winning tickets. I'm hoping for some mind over matter here. I think I've got it figured out how I would handle it, too. Winning, that is. I've had this discussion many times with my significant other. We would make a list of all our friends. Our true friends. Anyone who wasn't on that list after it was made known we'd won who showed up with their hand out was just SOL. I mean, you never really know who your friends are until you win oodles of money, right? Oh, yeah, we'd have to get an unlisted phone number, a big fence for the yard, a security system for the house and probably someone named "Bruiser" to deal with all those new-found relatives. I'd like to try it.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Whoo Hoo!

What d'ya know? I think I figured out links! Now, if I can just get my lists to come up on the sidebar instead of as links... hmmm... will have to ponder that more later.

Testosterone World

I've been watching the "CSI" marathon on Spike TV the past couple of nights and have noticed the overwhelming marketing campaign dripping with testosterone. I, not having that particular gene that makes me drool when I see the latest video game, pin-up girl, booze or grilled burger find it all rather a sad reflection of how our society views the male of the species. For one, I find it interesting that the marathon is taking place on a "mens network" at all! I have found over the years that a) women can stand the sight of blood, gore, and all forms of bodily waste much better than men can and b) despite "blond jokes" we can be logical and intelligent too. Just a thought.

Kinder and Gentler

I was getting ready for work this morning, muddling around in a half-awake daze, and I could hear raised voices coming from the livingroom. Hubby was loudly expressing his views on television news and television in general. He doesn't like it, but he won't turn it off. "What's the alternative?" he asks. God forbid we should have peace and quiet! YD was trying to get him to look at it a different way (as well as the 'turn it off' suggestion) and was getting nowhere fast. He often expresses himself in this negative, loud manner - but is quick to say "I'm not mad at you!" ...as if that makes it better. I suppose it does, in a way, as I certainly wouldn't want him spewing all that negativity at something I've said or done, but it is still rather grating. Especially first thing in the morning.

Before I left, I made it clear I wasn't happy about the negativity, but all that accomplished was making me feel bad for making him feel bad. Ended up calling him on the way to work to apologize. Does that make sense? In some warped universe, I suppose it does...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Can This Be Any More Confusing?

Okay, I'm trying to be computer savy - I know I can be. I have been in the past. Am I losing it? Possibly... Used to be I had every computer magazine known to man delivered to my door and I faithfully read every article, ad, and link they provided. Unfortunately, over the past few years I've let my attention lapse. Yes, the magazines still came faithfully to my door. They look wonderful and have the 'new magazine smell' bonded into their very being. I don't seem to have that same Pavlovian response, however. No longer do I drool and pounce on them the second they come in the door. I put them in a stack on the nearest table where eventually one of three things happens, a) they get covered with a thick film of dust, b) they get covered by another periodical, c) they get whisked away forever by number one son who is studying such things in an institute of higher learning. Most often it is 'a'. I am trying to figure out how to make my blog do things I see other people doing. Things like linking to other blogs and websites that I like. Listing books I'm reading or have read. Listing movies. Listing things I want to do before I'm 40. Ooops! That one is long gone... At any rate, you get the idea. One of these days I'm going to have to get serious and figure out just what it is that gets these things done on my blog. For now, I'll just take out my frustration this way. {Other Thoughts} Today I woke with a backache - again. I'm sorry, but the 'wonder bed' we purchased just doesn't seem to be so wonderful. Why? I don't know. I guess I've not figured out what 'number' I should be. Going from a waterbed to this one I expected great things. NO backaches, for one thing. I have always experienced pain when sleeping on another bed, be it a motel, my parents', or other so-called 'normal' beds. I was thinking since this bed could be dialed to a soft setting it would duplicate the waterbed and I wouldn't have such nonsense. Well, it worked for about a week, then all of a sudden I started having the pain! I made it firmer, thinking I was getting used to it, but that didn't seem to work. Now it seems nothing works. Hubby has no complaints. At all. Sleeps like a log. I don't know what this means for the future, but I'm not happy. On a happier note, just for fun I checked on Rent tickets today with Ticketmaster. They've been on sale for quite a while. I didn't expect much. I got 4th row, middle seats! Can you believe it?? I couldn't... I got one for myself and #1 son and #2 daughter. They've seen it before and love it. Called them - they were both thrilled. Something FUN to do in October! Of course, Hubby will probably be in the field then and will have something grouchy to say about us being gone, but hopefully it will be late enough in the evening (and maybe it will RAIN or something) that it won't cause trouble. I know I'm excited!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Back to the Norm

Back to the norm after it turned out to be a pretty un-eventful holiday weekend here. I was to go to a wedding out of town on Saturday, but woke up about 3 a.m. with stomach troubles so didn't go. Hubby and youngest son went to race Saturday night at Webster City. It was the last 'season' race. Son ended up 2nd in points overall and 2nd that night. He decided not to race at Supernationals in Boone. That started last night. Hubby went to watch, but son decided not to race this year.

Youngest daughter worked Saturday and Monday (got overtime for Monday). Oldest boy went to several out-of-town things; A wedding reception in Minneapolis for friends who eloped, then had the party. A concert in Apple Valley Wisconsin, and he was supposed to go to Chicago to a ball game yesterday, but they came home early. They'd been camping and gotten rained on at the concert, then were just cold and miserable, so skipped the game. Son admits he's more of a town kid - likes things like showers, tv, toilets, air conditioning, beds. LOL!

Son-in-law-to-be had bike races in Fayettville, Arkansas. He came in 11th overall out of 20-some. Their big news was the purchase of a washer and dryer this weekend. Daughter found them online through a Sears ad, then SILTB purchased them and made arrangements for hook-ups next weekend. It was fun to see them both so excited...about something so un-glamorous!

I made more in-roads into my craft stuff. Got some more things put away this weekend. Right now I've not messed much with any craft stuff except cross-stitch. I've got a sampler I'm working on for daughter and SILTB, plus a couple of things for the house. It's been frustrating to know what I want to find for the house, then not being able to find it - like a dried lavender swag or wreath. Do you think I've been able to find one? NO... when I didn't want one, they were EVERYWHERE. Now that I do... well, I'm about the point of having to make my own, but even the supplies have been hard to find or extremely expensive. Picked up a few things the other day at Hobby Lobby, but it still wasn't really what I wanted.

My weekend excitement! I was sitting out at the end of the deck yesterday reading and one of the chipmunks came scampering up... first, sat on the chair next to me, then before I knew it, he ran up my chair and sat on my shoulder! He sat there for a good 5 seconds before he realized what he'd done (or I did) and then he ran back down, sat on the chair next to me for another 15 seconds or so, then scampered off. I decided he was trying to tell me he wanted food, as I've been putting birdseed out in a shallow pan for them (there are two we know of) and they've been putting it in their cheeks and running out and storing it in several places. At any rate, it stormed on Sunday evening and night, so I'd taken the dish in as it was blowing around. I hadn't put it back yet until he came and sat on me, so decided maybe that was a hint. Hubby wasn't home, but got a kick out of it when he heard about it.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Glad I'm Not That Age Again (1)

As my youngest daughter prepares to marry the love of her life next March, I see the "happy couple" turning into the "stressed-out adversaries". Oh, how well I remember those early days of figuring each other out and putting yourself on the line for the "rest of your life". I hear bits and pieces of long-distance conversations (he's already landed a good job in a bordering state) and know 9 or 10 o'clock at night after a long day at work is not the best time to be hashing out wedding details... or, for that matter, life details. Everyone is tired and short-tempered and what was meant for sarcasm or dry humor is suddenly taken the wrong way and we have a flare up of "what am I doing?" going on. On the odd weekends when true love is able to meet face-to-face, the big issues are drowned in the joy of being able to actually see one another, and the happiness overwhelms any thought of serious discussion or plans.

As I sit in an evening in quiet companionship with the love of my life, the twenty-five plus years we've been together meld into a blur. How we got to this point is a mystery, for it wasn't always this way. We laugh at how we finish each other's sentences and expect in a few short years we won't have to say anything at all! Early on there were many obstacles to overcome. I was a 'town kid' born and bred and my sweetheart has always lived on a farm. There are a few years difference between us, but because he acts younger than his age and I like to think I've always been a bit on the mature side, we seem to meet in the middle. There are a few issues that come up where I can see his age showing and someday I'll address some of those, but for the most part he and I agree. I, being an only child, had no siblings to love, hate, or otherwise mess with, where he is the eldest of three - which became a priceless gift when our children were young and the boys fought all the time and I was told that was "normal". They weren't going to kill each other. (Now they are grown, they actually like each other! What a blessing!)

I know my daughter has a life of love and happiness ahead with lots of laughter, hopefully few tears, and even fewer sorrows. The ride will be an adventure with many a side road to take and lots of unexpected detours - but it'll be worth it. I know.